


The Broken Gray Jedi

by bluetenheart



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: 12/13 years after TLJ, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Gray Jedi, Not Canon Compliant - Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Past Relationship(s), Reylo - Freeform, Unplanned Pregnancy, force pregnancy, the hand touching scene from TLJ, there may or may not be parts of ROS integrated into this fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:33:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 21,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21642250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluetenheart/pseuds/bluetenheart
Summary: More than a decade has past since the Last Jedi. Somehow, a child was conceived. Worried for their child's safety, they both decided to have a distant relative look after the child until the war was over. Neither of them realized how endless this war would feel.Rey's and Ben's plan falls apart when 13-year-old Anakin accidentally falls into their lives. Rey and Ben try to figure out what to do while Anakin begins a new stage in his life which leads him to dig into who his parents might be.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 22
Kudos: 67





	1. The Summons

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT - DECEMBER 16, 2020  
> Spaces between paragraphs were added.  
> While I was doing so, I realized the first chapter is in present tense. The rest of Rey's chapters are in past tense. The first one is wrong, but I am going to leave it.
> 
> EDIT - AUGUST 21, 2020  
> Because I'm a pantser/discovery writer, I feel like the beginning isn't too representative of the story? Idk, it may not be that bad, but, just hear me out:
> 
> Chs 1-4 (which are relatively short) are mainly for setting up the story.  
> The story begins “begins” with Ch. 5.
> 
> Starting with chapter 6, every even chapter is told from Anakin’s point of view, and is about his story.
> 
> Every odd chapter is third person with the narrator knowing Rey’s thoughts/feelings (except for a few slip ups cuz Ben/Kylo is a very fun character to play with)
> 
> While both the even and odd chapters do intertwine, the Reylo chapters are more about their (broken) complex relationship, and Anakin’s chapters are more about his life and the Gray Jedi storyline. In the future, like chapters 50-100, the two storylines will be more connected and on the same timeline, and so on.
> 
> K. That's all. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> \----Original Notes----  
> soo, this is my first fic that I've actually posted publicly, but it's also the first which I have actually typed up and edited to get on here  
> sooo, I hope you enjoy it!!

“It really could use a bit of a freshening up, couldn’t it.”

Rey never really found her room attractive, but, it had became the only place which she could happily call home. It wasn’t much, but being abandoned and forced to live as an orphan for most of her life taught her to not take anything for granted. Anything more was a gift.

All this being said, one thing Rey did sometimes do was moving and shifting the few pieces of furniture scattered about her room. This furniture included a hard bed, a softer bedside table, and a very, very small dresser which only contained two shallow drawers. But Rey never minded any of this, after all, it was more than she had had on Jakku.

Today was one of those days which Rey decided was perfect to change up her living quarters. It’s a pretty quiet day for the Resistance, the name which has been taken up again by the quote “good guys,” something which Rey, deep under her skin, hated. She did not mind themselves being called the Resistance when the conflict was rekindled, as it had never fully gone away, and when Ben Solo became Kylo Ren again. However, what Rey did mind was the Resistance calling themselves the “good guys.” After all, Luke died believing that the “good guys” were not only characterized by using the light side of the force and by fighting the “bad guys.” And it seems as though everyone in the Resistance has forgotten this.

But, apparently, these things do not really matter when Kylo Ren is involved.

On quiet, relatively calm, days like today, Rey likes to slip off into her room and forget that anyone else exists. These days are Rey’s favorites, when she can throw her hair up into one sloppy bun, not like her signature hair style with two or three buns, put on some more comfortable clothes, not that her “comfortable clothes” are much different than her kick butt clothes, and do something for herself, most often rearranging her room. Another benefit of quiet days is the ability to do stuff without being interrupted by anyone else as they are all enjoying their day off as well.

But this doesn’t stop Rey from talking to herself. If there’s one thing Rey has learned in her time fighting for the Resistance, it is that you absolutely cannot rely or put your trust into anyone whatsoever. Because no matter how loyal they are to you, they can change in an instant. This lessen Rey learned, not directly from the Resistance, but as a side effect of the conflicts she has been a part of.

And nobody has pushed her to explain any further than this. Leia knew, as she was the one person Rey felt confident enough to tell the whole of the story to, as Leia was the one person excluded from Rey's no-trust mindset. And to be fair, she had told Leia the truth before Rey’s relationship completely fell apart.

And after her relationship fell through and after Leia died, Rey completely closed off. Even her friendship with Finn had deteriorated quite a bit. Their friendship had not completely disappeared, but she has definitely shut herself off. And after a whole lot of pestering with no results, Finn quit trying to find out the truth.

What Finn did know about Rey’s relationship was simply, that she had had one. However, other than Leia, know one knew who Rey’s secret boyfriend, now ex-boyfriend, was. The whole Resistance crew knew that Rey and this unknown man conceived a child, and within an hour of having the child, Rey gave the child to Leia, who left for a trip, and came back a few days later without the child. Rey was never the same after that, and the child nor the man was never spoken about again. For all the crew knew, Rey and her boyfriend had broken up, even though Rey was persistent in saying that the father was always with her while she was pregnant.

That day when Rey was forever changed happened 12 years ago.

\----------------------------------------------

Rey was, for the most part, done with reorganizing her room, and was standing with her back against a wall, surveying the progress she had already made, complete with her hands on her hips, when she was snapped out of her head with a knock on the door. For a split second, Rey debated force locking her door, which was unnecessary the rest of the time, and hiding in the small space between her bed and the wall. Rey, however, quickly shooed that thought from her mind.

“Come in,” Rey said in a neutral, very plain, tone of voice. The door swung open, and a frantic Finn poked his head into her room. Rey, not bothered enough to turn around to check who was breathing heavily inside her cramped room, continued to stare at the blue blanket laying on top of her bed.

“General Hux has called, he wishes to speak with you.” was Finn’s breathless reply. It was clear that Finn was worried as to why Hux would call solely to talk to Rey. Rey, surprised by Finn’s breathing, and the fact that the crew sent Finn, the closest thing Rey had to a friend, instead of a low ranking crew member, to fetch her, caused Rey to pause in surprise. This was very, very uncommon for summoning Rey.

After her slight pause caused by her surprise and worry, curiosity took her over and Rey walked out of her room, passed by Finn, and towards the command center, where it seemed like the whole Resistance crew was hovering around the panel littered with buttons of various colors. On the screen behind the command center was General Armitage Hux, who clearly dod not know he was still visible on the screen as he was arguing with one of the tech people within the First Order, which has also been rebooted. Not that the conflict was ever all that calm. Some would argue that the conflict never actually ended. There was a sort of treaty between the two sides, not too long after Rey gave up her child. But, obviously, that pact did not last long.

Once the Resistance's tech specialist noticed that Rey had arrived, she instantly punched a button on the control center and told the First Order that Rey has come. Instantly, Hux yanked his head up from the low ranking person he was arguing with, and towards the screen.

“Rey of Jakku; the Supreme Leader requests your presence abroad the Supremacy.”


	2. The Pause

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter two is here!!  
> also, there is some, mild-ish, swearing in this chapter, so just a heads up

“I’m going, end of story.” Upon hearing Hux’s message, Rey immediately turned around and headed towards her room. The Resistance’s tech manager quickly ended the connection while the rest of the room tensed up, curious to know how Rey was going to react to this news. Finn grabbed Rey by the arm and asked her what she was planning to do. She said she was heading to her room to grab a few things, and then she would be off to the Supremacy. Finn obviously called her crazy and told her she couldn’t go. And you know how Rey responded.

“Fine. But I’m not letting you go alone,” Finn said after a moment of internal fighting while having his hands resting on his hips and his head looking down. Rey, who by this time had already finished packing and had almost left her room, heard what Finn had said, and she wasted no time in replying.

“As I just told you no more than five minutes ago, I’m going, And I’m going alone.” Rey stood, with her back towards Finn, looking down on something laying on the floor. Laying on the floor was something she was positive she had chucked into space more than a decade ago. It must have fallen out of something during her reorganizing frenzy earlier that day. Finn, who was in the middle of yelling that he was not going to let his closest friend go meet Kylo Ren alone, noticed that Rey’s attention was on that thing on the floor.

“What are you looking at?” Having been lost in her own mind, Finn’s words caused her jump and answer quite fakely:

“Nothing. This is just, nothing.” Upon saying this, Rey took another pause, during which she switched her attention from Finn to the thing on the floor. After this awkward pause, she swiftly bent down and snatched it from the ground and, after hesitating once more, shoved it into the waistline of her pants, as her “comfy clothes” did not contain any pockets. This excuse did not satisfy Finn, but he was still caught up with the amount of stubbornness Rey was exerting. Rey had definitely always had the stubbornness trait, but with stakes this high, Finn does not want Rey taking anything close to a risk in this situation.

“Come on. You’re not actually planning on going to meet Ren, right? Right, Rey?” Finn soon realized that Rey wasn’t even pretending to pay attention to what he was saying. Instead, she was staring off into space while touching her waistline where she had stashed the thing from the floor.

“Yes, I’m actually going to B-Kylo Ren. And if you don’t mind, I must get going.” Rey seemed to snap out of her trance in a heartbeat, and in no time at all, Rey had gathered the small amount she was planning to take with her,

However, Finn stood in the way of the door with his arms crossed once more.

“You slipped up again.”

“The hell is that supposed mean?” Rey responded as more of a command than a question. And this command was meant to shut Finn up since Rey knew very well what he was talking about. And this topic is the last topic which Rey wanted to discuss. Ever.

Rey made a few movements as though she was planning to head out the door and as far away from the conversation which she could feel was coming on. But she was not able to make it out the door before Finn grabbed Rey by her arm.

“Rey, stop. Please Rey; let’s talk about this.”

Rey stopped, knowing that there was no way for her to escape this foreboding conversation. Part of her did not want to run away from it anymore, part of her wondered if sharing her problems would help take some of her pain away. She knew that nothing would fully heal her, but perhaps she could lighten the burden pushing her shoulders.

“What do you want to talk about?” Rey asked relatively calmly, as she retreated back to her bed where she tossed what she had in her arms and lightly sat down on her uncomfortable mattress. Finn paused for a second, surprised at how easily Rey agreed to this conversation, before cautiously approaching her bed and sitting down on it.

“You almost called him 'Ben' again. You haven’t done that since Leia died, over a decade ago.” 

“He hasn’t come up since then.”

“Come on, you're one of the top ranking members of the Resistance, Kylo Ren is brought up all the damn time.”

This comment caused Rey to open her mouth but stay silent as she stared at the wall across from her.

“Something tells me that this summons is unusual; it has nothing to do with the fight.”

“He used my name.”

“And that’s important, how?”

“Just how he, I don’t know, phrased it.” After she said this, Rey shook her head as if trying to get something off of it and stood up. She grabbed what was sprawled out on the bed and she once more headed towards the door, this time in a more determined walk.

“I shouldn’t talk about this anymore-I can’t say anything else. I have to go.” And with that, Rey glanced back towards a sad and semi-hurt, but resolved, Finn and then went on her way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooo, here's chapter 2!!!!! i plan to post a new chapter every saturday, but we'll see how far i'll get before i break this chain, but i'll tryyyyyy!!!
> 
> I hope you guys are still enjoying this fic!!
> 
> k bye


	3. The Cardboard Box

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, long time no see  
> this chapter was actually finished on Dec. 28, but i told myself that i couldn't post it until my RoS canon one was done and is posted.  
> which leads me to my next point: i have quite a bit of trouble writing non-canon fanfictions. i knew that this fanfic would never be canon, but now that it has been proven that it isn't, thanks to the film, idk if i'll continue writing it. i might, and reading through and editing this chapter just now did spark a little creativity inside my brain, and i did really like this fic, so i might continue it, i don't know  
> anyhowwwwww, here's the next chapter for anyone interested.

After her conversation with Finn, Rey became even more determined in her quest than before, which was saying something as Rey never planned on not going to meet Kylo Ren. As much as she did not want to even think about this subject, she could not ignore his message. If anything, this message may bring her relief. Maybe.

On board her tiny space pod and after she had set it to autopilot, Rey had some time to think, something which she would rather not have as she quickly found her mind wondering and coming to conclusions which made her anxious, or worse, scared her.

While watching space go by, Rey’s hands found their way to her waistline where she had stashed the piece of fabric she had found laying on the floor. She pulled the small, stained, white square free and held it with both hands. As she loosely grasped it, she slowly bent her head down, as though she was scared to look at it. Once her eyes finally set sight on the shaking fabric, a rush of emotions flew through her, some falling from her eyes.

For the last decade, Rey had pushed any and all emotions down into a cardboard box and taped it shut, not allowing the tape to break and allowed her emotions to remain trapped in the deepest, darkest crevice found inside her mind. Her heart was also hastily locked up and forgotten about. After all, emotions only complicate this fight.

Hearing Hux’s message weakened the tape, and Rey nervously looking at the white fabric, now spotted with tears, broke through the tape, allowing a decade of suppressed emotions to finally break free.

Sorrow and pain fell from her eyes. The pain was the stronger of the two emotions as Rey had experienced it in many different forms. She felt the pain of having to give up her child. She was still clutching to the pain of being abandoned; this only intensified the pain as she felt as though she had abandoned her child by choice. She felt the pain of losing Leia, who had been like a mother to Rey. She felt the pain of being betrayed by the one person whom she loved most and who helped her through the most difficult action she had ever had to take. And she felt the pain of uncertainty, uncertainty as to whether or not he had ever loved her.

This pain riddled her mind for the duration of her trip. After her tears stopped flowing, Rey huddled up next to a window, grasping the fabric, watching the stars and planets fly by, her thoughts flying through her mind faster than her ship was flying through space. Questions, anger, worry.

Anticipation, both positive and negative, also riddled her mind. She had no clue what to expect. And even though she hated herself for thinking this thought, Rey had a few expectations as to how she hoped this encounter would go. And most of these dreams would almost certainly mess her up even more.

“No Rey, no,” kept chanting inside her head. “It won’t end well, Rey.” “You know he’ll just break your heart again.” “You closed yourself off for a reason.” “Rey, you can’t change that decision you made. It’s over, it’s in the past.”

“No Rey, no.” this time, Rey said these painful words out loud.

No matter how hard she tried to hold them back, memories from that fateful day began to resurface. Rey quickly realized that her defences weren’t working, and she soon found the key to lock the gate.

Maybe she was beginning to want to open up, but that did not mean that Rey had to feel and revisit every emotion and memory and feeling of pain from the past.

That’s how these things work, right?

Yeah, totally not. That’s definitely not how these things work. And this knowledge began to drown any other possible thought roaming around in her mind. But that did not mean that Rey’s insane mind chose to agree with this logic and decided to stop thrusting these unhelpful thoughts into her mind. And maybe it was her heart, not her mind, which pushed her to dwell on these thoughts.

And the longer Rey entertained these thoughts, the deeper Rey slipped.

“We had to separate; he didn’t leave because he didn’t care about me; he left because he had to.”

“What if he still cares. What if that’s why he called for me?” No, stupid Rey, no. Why would he call for her on as secure a line as the one he used. The way he called for her ended up alerting the whole of both the First Order and of the Resistance. Not that he hasn’t done it before. But that was then. And this was now. And “now” was very, very different from “then.” As painful as it was for Rey to admit it, she knew that “now” will never go back to “then.” It couldn’t, not after what they had to do. And that terrifying decision still broke her heart. But it was the right choice. It was. 

It was. 

Rey, you couldn’t raise a child. It would not have been good for neither you nor him. You know this, and you locked these thoughts up deep, deep inside your mind. And this is what you need to do right now before your feelings get you into more trouble.


	4. The Feelings and Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey arrives at her destination, ponders more of her feelings, and revisits a memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FINALLY WROTE ANOTHER CHAPTER  
> And in all honesty, I think this chapter is the best, writing wise that is, one so far. I'm actually really proud of the writing especially since I wrote most of it today.  
> In other news, I've gotten real excited about this story throughout the last few days, so I don't think there'll be a big time gap before chapter 5.  
> Well, I think that's all so I'll stop talking before I go off on a tangent lol. I hope you enjoy!

Rey did not find the long flight long enough. Why she wanted more time, she didn't know. Perhaps she felt like she needed more time to think over her plan. Or maybe she needed more time to figure out her feelings. Either way, Rey had no plans to leave her tiny space pod until she absolutely had to. Hell, she was going to stay in this piece of metal comfort until a stormtrooper or a First Order official physically yanked her freezing cold, pale body out. At this rate, she wouldn’t even mind Hux being the lucky First Order general to get his hands on her first. Rey knew that he literally had no choice other than to bring her to the Supreme Leader alive. As much as Hux liked to believe his weakness towards the strength of the force was locked up, it wasn’t. And knowing that she would soon be in the Supreme Leader’s presence, and most likely his presence alone, gave Rey some comfort. It shouldn’t have, not with how he betrayed her. But it did. And there was nothing she could do to stop it. Because the only person who could alter this foreboding sequence of events was herself. And she wasn’t strong enough to accomplish this. She knew, even though she hated to believe or even admit it, she was a slave to her feelings. She should have learned how to break loose and gain control by now, but she hadn’t. She couldn’t. How do you tell a mother to forget that her son ever existed and to move on with her live? You can’t. Especially if the child was never asked for by his mother. Rey could not possibly abandon these motherly instincts she had to force back into the deepest parts of her brain and lock them up with a now-dissolved key. Doing so would go against the mother’s nature. Yet, if Rey wanted to go on with her life, her job, her fight, she had to lock up these feelings, and never, ever let them escape.

Luckily, Rey knew that the First Order was having some issues with staffing. Apparently people were beginning to turn their backs against the First Order; some were running to the Resistance, but plenty wanted absolutely nothing to do with the war. Rey found it hard to blame them.

Not that they were escaping the war entirely. The Resistance had only recently heard the sickening news. While the First Order had stopped raiding villages of their children, they opened their doors to interested people under the age of 17, which had been the minimum age requirement for almost a decade. Now children aged 15 and older could join the stormtrooper program; children who were in between the ages of 12 and 14 could join with parent permission. And, last Rey heard, hundreds of parents had signed their children up. Most signed the contract because of the monetary rewards offered by the First Order.

However, at the present, she was happy the First Order was understaffed-it meant that she got a few extra moments inside her space pod before a handful of stormtroopers would be sent to inspect her vehicle. She had already passed through the checkpoint; it hadn’t been difficult as those officers had undoubtedly been told that she was arriving. They didn’t even seem too disgusted or curious as to why the Supreme Leader had sent for her. Instead, Rey could hear their bored voices allowing her to enter. She wasn’t sure if they had even checked that she was on their list of scheduled arrivals.

“Open up for inspection and prepare to be boarded.” Rey shook her head as though she could whip her feelings and memories away. Her right hand gripped her saber through her makeshift holster and took a deep breath before slipping through her space pod’s opening.

Upon entering the First Order’s hangar, Rey was greeted by none other than General Hux himself. At least a dozen stormtroopers stood guard behind him.

“You two inspect her ship,” Hux commanded the two troopers on the far left side of the formation. He never even turned his head.

“Escort her to the Supreme Leader’s quarters.” Six stormtroopers stepped out of their ordered line and surrounded Rey. Hux wasn’t hiding his disgust and anger towards Kylo Ren. She suspected that he probably didn’t like her too much either. She thought about lashing out at her guards, and possibly even slicing the bastard Hux in half. However, Rey quickly pushed that thought out of her head. Instead, she decided to use this walk to let her mind wander.

At first, she tried to use this time wisely and organize her thoughts and feelings. Soon, her mind diverted from productivity to memories. Memories she never wanted to revisit.

_She had just returned from the cave and was telling him about her mission. His eyes were kind, sincere, yearning to hear more. His face was curious, and Rey could tell he was genuinely interested in her story. She was still wet and cold, but felt warm and, for the first time in a while, felt happy. At first it was his simple answer which warmed her up, his voice full of longing and loneliness and not murderous or angry. Then it was his gentle touch. For a moment, she was able to forget about everything. All her problems, all her worries, everything was silenced inside her brain._

If only Rey had known this moment would completely change her life.

As soon as Rey pulled herself out of memory lane, she realized that thad nearly made it to their destination. Time was up. Rey had to face him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey's other half will be in the next chapter  
> (i'm sorry-i just had to say that)


	5. The Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben finally meet each other for the first time in ten years. But why?

“Supreme Leader, the girl has arrived.” The storm trooper barely finished his sentence before Kylo Ren responded.

“Leave us.” His back was turned away from the doors, his hands clasped behind his back.

The stormtroopers did as commanded, pushing Rey into Kylo Ren’s quarters and slamming the door behind her. Even when the two of them were completely alone, he didn’t turn around.

“Why am I here?” Rey asked sternly.

“Hello to you too.”

“What was so important that you had to so publicly announce that I had to meet you?”

“Wouldn’t the leader of the Resistance meeting with the leader of the First Order be an important meeting for both crews to know about?”

“I am not the leader to the Resistance. And you did not summon me so we could talk about the war. No; this meeting is about something much more personal.” Rey’s comment was met with only a small chuckle.

“If it was something political, we wouldn’t be meeting here,” Rey continued, gesturing around the blindingly white room. Rey wasn’t sure, but she thought she saw Ben’s cheeks raise as though he had smirked at her observation.

“Ben, what am I doing here?” Exasperated, Rey let herself slip into her feelings. She had promised herself over a decade ago that he was Kylo Ren, the Supreme Leader of the First Order. Ben Solo wasn’t alive anymore. Whether or not she actually believed this, repeating it like a mantra helped soothe the pain. 

“Fallen out of your facade, have you?”

“What? No.”

“Come on Rey. We may have closed the bond years ago, but we are still connected.” His voice faltered. Only for a split second, but she caught it. She too knew this fact all to well. They may have not been able to see each other anymore, but they still could feel each other’s presence through the force. Rey had even felt his emotions. While these feelings were much less strong than what she had felt before they forced the bond shut, they were still there.

They couldn’t talk to each other with the bond closed, yet she sometimes thought thoughts not her own. She had still felt a single stab of pain in her leg or had felt a punch to her back when she was alone in her room. The pain had never been too, too painful, but it was strong enough to remind her that she and he were still connected.

He turned from the waist up and his arms dropped from behind his back and fell to his sides. Rey saw his face for the first time in a decade. There had been a few broadcasts which featured him, but it was only for a brief second. He would either look down, turn away, or completely leave the room.

Thirteen years later and the scar she had given him was still prominent on his face. His eyes were tired and pained. The expression on his face caused Rey’s anxiety to deepen. Maybe his face was simply showing the outcome of being the leader of the First Order. Or maybe his pained and worried expression was because of what he was stalling over telling her.  
Something inside Rey was pulling at her. Part of her wanted to run to him and ask what was upsetting him. Part of her wanted to break down in tears and sob into his chest. However, doing so in the past had led her to her broken heart.

“I assume you have heard about the First Order’s new policy,” he said nonchalantly.

“The policy which invites parents to sell their children to the First Order?” Rey stated, more than asked. She had never refrained herself from sharing her thoughts, and wasn’t going to stop doing so now.

“Call it what you want,” Ben said as he turned around and took a few steps towards Rey. She had moved from where she had been thrust in, and, staying close to the wall, took a few steps to her right.

While she had never physically been inside this room, she had seen it, and even felt it, thanks to their force bond. That was a decade ago, yet nothing had really changed.

“What about the First Order’s new policy?” Rey asked as she continued to walk and look around the room.

He didn’t answer. After a pause, she tore her eyes away from the stark white room and looked up at his pained face. His expression startled Rey. She saw that he was hurting. And she saw Ben Solo slipping through. Kylo Ren didn’t feel that way; he only felt anger, hatred, and disgust. Sure she had called him his birth name, but she knew it was only because of her feelings. Seeing Ben’s emotions, and not just Ben’s body, caused Rey’s heart to begin beating faster.

When they parted ways and mutually decided it would be best for everyone to close the bond, she had been sure that Ben, the man she had loved, was truly and forever gone. And instead, only a murderer remained. Maybe it had simply been a coping mechanism.

Now, ten years later, she was absolutely positive that Ben was still living. And it scared Rey. She had known since the moment she heard Hux’s message that this meeting was a personal one. Her suspicions were only confirmed when the stormtroopers escorted her into his quarters. And now the hurt evident in Ben’s face had her even more worried.

“Ben, what happened?” Rey’s voice was shaking. A thought crossed her mind. She wasn’t sure if it was her own, or if it was Ben’s. She hoped it was hers and he wasn’t trying to send her a signal.

Even if only for a few seconds, Rey saw her child, their child. She remembered how her baby boy cried during the first few seconds of his life. She remembered his tiny, innocent face. And then the memory faded away.

Oh gosh, no, no, no. Rey repeated this small word inside her mind. This meeting was a personal one: it was about their son.

“Tell me.” Rey somehow managed to keep her voice relatively steady this time. But she was scared, so damn scared. She had no contact with her son’s guardians. Leia had spoken to and delivered him to someone she trusted. To calm Rey down, Ben had told her that he knew who was watching over their son and that she could trust them. He had even told her that the guardian had reached out to him once.

His reassurance never eased the pain of knowing she had abandoned her child, just like her parents had abandoned her. She was sure Ben had had similar feelings, having dealt with loneliness as well.

And of course, with Leia having passed, Ben would have been notified if something was wrong with their child. And she would find out through him. And maybe it was her maternal instinct putting a weight on on her heart, but Rey knew something was wrong.

“Rey.” Ben paused, clearly not wanting to continue.

“Anakin enlisted in the stormtrooper program.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be a little different ;)  
> It should be up next Saturday.


	6. The Boy Who Ran Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin goes off in search of something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit different ;)
> 
> Feel free to leave a comment if you guys have any opinions, suggestions, or corrections (i'm very, very good at missing REALLY big details in movies, books, etc.)

“Anakin!”

“I’m coming, Auntie Em!” I must have been running quite late for school as Auntie Em only used my full name when she was upset with me.

I knew that I needed to get going before I angered her even more, but I had to take just one last look inside my bag. I couldn’t forget anything.

“You’re going to be late!”

“Coming! Coming.” I said the second word much more quietly; it wasn’t meant for Auntie Em.

I grabbed my bag, tossed it over my shoulder, and scanned my room one last time. It was simple. I had a relatively comfortable bed and a wardrobe with a few pairs of comfortable pants, shirts, and one pair of shoes fit for running. Among other bits and bobs, I also had a table which had stacks of books on top. Some were for school, others were for enjoyment. Reading was my only real hobby. I never much enjoyed running around the desert sand playing with the other kids my age, mainly because they all have parents to go home to. I never had that luxury.

I enjoyed piloting the small pods used for racing, my aunt told me piloting was common in my family. Sometimes I would head over to the small repair shop in our village to help its owner, and I found that I quite enjoyed pulling things apart to find out how they worked. Auntie Em said this too was in my blood. And this was all fine, but I wished she would have took me to meet my blood. She always said it wasn’t the right time.

But it was never the right time.

So I decided I would find my parents myself. I had just turned 13; I could do it. After all, this was the age when parents would sometimes start sending their kids off to learn specified skills from a master. And I was technically doing something similar. Except, without the parent permission part.

“Ready, Ani?” Auntie Em asked me as I entered the basic kitchen, two pieces of toasted bread slathered with a thick and delicious jam were waiting for me. As I shoved the toast into my mouth, I decided to take a chance and ask for her permission one last time.

“Um, Auntie Em? Can you sign this form? It would be very beneficial for both y-”

“No.”

“C’mon! Why not? Don’t you-”

“No. You are not going to join the First Order!”

“It’s just training to become a stormtrooper.”

“Stormtroopers fight for the First Order.”

“Why are you trying to push your views onto me?” I was once again cut off by my aunt, but I didn’t have the patience to hear what she had to say.

“How do you know my parents wouldn’t want me to join? They don’t even want me!” I yelled.

“Anakin Gray Solo! You know better than to delve into my mind. And you know that’s not true.” Auntie Em was hurt. And angry. Never was it a good sign to mix those two emotions. I had crossed a line and I knew it. But I was leaving soon, and so I risked it.

“They were protecting me, you’ve told me before. And I think I understand that. But, if they were both so powerful, couldn’t they protect me and still keep me?”

“They were fighting a brutal war. They still are.” Maybe I imagined it, but I thought I saw her eyes glaze over while saying that last sentence.

“C’mon Ani, it’s time to go.” Auntie Em smiled at me while she pulled me into a comforting hug. For a split second, I thought about staying, tossing my plan out the window, and going on with my normal life.

However, my plan was for the best. I could feel it. Auntie Em was just scared of losing me, but I needed to do this. And something told me that my parents would be proud of me for taking control of my life.

“Thanks, Auntie Em.”

“Have a good day. Make sure you pay attention; you may learn a thing or two,” she said with a wink.

“I’ll try.” I walked out the steel door and slammed it shut for the last time. Maybe even for the last time ever. And Auntie Em didn’t know I was leaving. I wasn’t going to our local learning center. Instead, I was heading to the Force Order base located out in the middle of nowhere. It was only around 10 miles from my hut, but nobody really minded since the First Order officials stay out in the middle of nowhere. No one else ever needed to go in that direction.

Knowing I couldn't really walk the entire distance, I instead snuck into the repair shop. I knew which speeder was in good enough condition to be ridden the entire distance. I could ride it there. The shop owner wasn’t working yet as he liked to have a relaxing morning with his family, and so there was no one who would get in my way.

I didn’t waste any time in leaving, and for the next little while, no longer than a half an hour, I enjoyed a quiet ride to what looked like a metal fort. And then I had to put my plan into action. There was not turning around now. If I failed now, I could get into trouble. Big trouble.

“What’s your reason for coming here?” There was an actual general behind the counter. He seemed bored. So the rumors were true. Knowing this boosted my confidence. Still, my voice shook when speaking.

“I-I wish to join the stormtrooper program.”

“Birth name and age?”

“Anakin Gray Solo, 13 years.” My voice quivered less this time.

“In order to join at your age, you must have parental permission.”

“I have the form signed by my guardian,” I said as I pulled the yellow piece of paper out of my bag and gave it to the First Order officer. He grabbed some sort of scanner and scanned the paper in multiple locations, nodding at the screen after each scan.

“You’re all clear. Please enter the base to your right. Another officer will direct you from there.” I followed the instructions and entered into the base. I had made it! My plan had worked!

“Over here, young lad!” cried the new officer. He was standing near a relatively large space pod. I hoped I got to ride in it; I have always wanted to go fly into space.

“Please enter. We have to fly you to the Supremacy.” I was going to fly in space! To a ship! I was so excited. But a couple of questions popped into my mind. However, I waited to ask them until we were already in the air, not wanting to anger the officer. He was really nice and I soon felt comfortable asking.

“Wasn’t the Supremacy destroyed during the battle of Crait?” I asked while looking out the windows, mesmerized.

“That is correct. However, the Supreme Leader ordered it was found and fixed. It’s a tad bit smaller now, but it’s still quite a grand ship.”

“Why am I the only one on this pod?” I thought I heard the officer chuckle at my question.

“We haven’t had all that many people joining because there aren’t that many adolescents on this planet. Not to mention the fact that the Supremacy is floating close to the planet recently. Any other questions?”

“No thank you. You already answered my questions.”

“Okay. If you have any more questions or need anything, feel free to ask me. My name is Officer Dainen.”

“Thanks.” I spent the rest of the ride staring out the window. No matter how excited I was to join, I still had some nerves. Having this conversation with Officer Dainen made me feel much more calm.

Officer Dainen was correct; before long, we were flying into the Supremacy’s hangar.

“We’re here.” He let me out of the space pod, nodded to the stormtroopers present, and lead me down a hallway. After 10 or so minutes of walking, Officer Dainen stopped at a door with a keypad next to it. He typed in an insanely long code and the door sprung open. Another officer stepped out into the hallway.

“Thanks Dainen,” the new officer said. Officer Dainen gave me one last nod, turned around, and walked away.

“What’s your name, kid?”

“Anakin.”

“Well, welcome Anakan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've always known that this story would be a long one, but this past week I did some (VERY loose) outlining and I know that there are going to be 100 chapters. To stop myself from getting burned out, I'm going to work on four sets of 25 chapters, with a break in between. Otherwise, I'm afraid it won't be fun anymore, or I'll lose motivation, or something.  
> Soooo, that's that. I hope you guys enjoyed! The next chapter will be up next Saturday.


	7. The Re-Opening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben discuss recent events and what to do now. There may or may not be some yelling involved. 'Cuz, they are real good at holding in their emotions....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not too, too happy with how this chapter turned out, but, i'm not sure how to make it "better," soooooo here ya go.
> 
> also this is the first chapter in a while which hasn't been beta read, sooooo
> 
> 7/11/20 update: I added in the force bond thoughts which had been deleted

“What?” Rey’s brain couldn’t comprehend what Ben had just said. And when it finally did, she wasn’t too happy.

“How-how could you let this happen?” She yelled more than asked.

“The hell do you mean ‘how could I?’” Ben shouted back, his bark causing Rey to take a few steps back. She took a deep breath, even closing her eyes for a few seconds while trying to calm herself down. Or, trying to calm herself down enough to have a civil conversation. Shouting her emotions would not benefit anything.

“Are you sure? Did what’s-her-name tell you? Did she tell you why she let him?”

“No, Emily did not contact me. That’s what scares me.” Ben said as he too heaved a sigh. He had grown up with Emily, and he knew her very, very well. He probably knew her better than anyone else did, and he knew that she wouldn’t allow his son to join the First Order.

“Our son being sent to fight doesn’t scare you? Do you know how many stormtroopers the Resistance kills each battle?”

“And you say you’re the good guys.”

“Ben!” Rey couldn’t believe he was making jokes, not when their son was involved. Ben felt her anger and frustration and sighed in response while he walked to the bed and sat down, leaning over his legs and clasped hands.

“Not all our stormtroopers go into battles. I wouldn’t send his patrol out to fight,” he said, staring down at the white floor. Rey said nothing.

“Most, even, don’t fight. Those that do are older, not the young kids. They have to be at least 20, and they only go if they want to. We’re much more humane than you think.” Ben paused, knowing what was swimming around Rey’s head at the moment; he didn’t need their bond to know that her closest friend and ex-stormtrooper was at the center of her brain. 

“Things have changed since your friend left us. And I plan to continue reforming the First Order.” Rey stood there, staring at him, silent. She had known that there have been significant changes to the First Order since Kylo Ren became Supreme Leader, but she hadn’t noticed one way or another what those changes met. Now that Ben had claimed he had been trying to change things, Rey couldn’t help but agree.

She hadn’t known the intricacies of the stormtrooper program, but she doubted Ben was lying to her. And his other changes did seem to be for the better, so it made sense that the stormtrooper program would’ve been positively changed as well.

“So, Ani won’t fight.”

“Correct.” For the first time since he sat down, Ben looked at Rey, his eyes longed for Rey to believe him.

“That doesn’t make this situation any better. If Emily didn’t tell you, how do you even know?” 

Ben looked at Rey with surprise.

“I’m the Supreme Leader. I scan the names and locations of the recruits daily, just to get a sense of certain statistics. Anakin Solo was one of the recruits.” Ben pulled his gaze away from Rey, choosing to stare at the wall instead.

“How many people know your name?”

“What?”

“How many people know your name is ‘Solo’?” Rey asked, a new concern etching itself into her face.

“Uh, probably only a few generals,” Ben responded, unsure at what Rey was trying to get at.

“Does that include Hux?”

Realization dawned on Ben’s face.

“He gets the names first,” he said as he held his head in his hands as he groaned, angry at himself for not connecting the dots.

“I take that as a yes? How common is ‘Solo’ anyway?”

“Not too common. My fa-father was actually given the name when he first signed up to be an Empire pilot.” If he wasn’t so stressed from the current situation and mention of his father, Ben would’ve laughed at the irony.

“He joined the Empire?” Rey asked, shocked.

“He didn’t last too long,” Ben said absentmindedly. There was no way Hux would’ve saw the name “Solo” and not have suspected something. Thinking through his recent interactions with Hux, Ben realized that Hux must have known. Fear flooded into his brain.

“Hux can use Ani against me,” he muttered.

“That’s what you’re worried about? Losing your position?” Rey all but shouted.

“No!” Ben shouted back, forcefully getting off the bed.

“There are many ways Hux can use my son, our son, against me. All of them hurt Ani as well.” Ben couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen it earlier. He had been too worried about how Anakin joined without Emily’s permission, worried by what that could mean; he still was. But the possibility that Hux could use his son against him was so much more painful and threatening.

“What do we do Ben?” Rey asked, a tear sliding down her cheek.

“I don’t know. We cannot pull him out of the program. That would only make Hux more suspicious.” Ben truly did not know what to do. He didn’t think there was anything they could do.

_If only I could find a way to always keep an eye on him, without giving anything away._

“What?” Rey asked through tears. Ben stared at her blankly.

“I-I didn’t say anything.”

“Yes you did. Something about keeping an eye on our son?”

“You-you heard that?”

“Yes. What’s wrong?” Rey asked the second question after Ben’s face showed an emotion she couldn’t place.

“Rey. I didn’t say that. I thought that.” This time it was Rey who stared with a blank face.  
 _What?_

“Our bond, Rey.”

“How-how did it reopen?” she asked as she walked over to his bed and plopped down, confused. She was crying more heavily now.

“Strong emotions forced the bond shut, I guess equally strong emotions reopened it,” he said as he ran his hands through his hair. All of a sudden, the force bond began to flood him with Rey’s emotions. He felt her pain, her sadness, and her anger. From the way her chest shuddered, he could tell she felt his emotions rushing into her. Or maybe Ben could feel her feeling his feelings.

“Force bond,” Ben breathed. He could sense Rey’s confusion. He had a solution.

_He’s force sensitive, our son is force sensitive!_

_And?_

“Maybe that’s how I keep an eye on him.”

“Won’t Hux be suspicious?” Ben sighed at Rey’s point.

“Look. Any choice we make will have its negative consequences. I’m not sure how it will work. Maybe it might backfire. But if I convince everyone necessary that I felt him through the force, and that I can train him to fight for us,” Ben said as he trailed off. He was formulating a plan. Would it spike Hux’s suspicions? Yes. But so would any other option, including doing nothing. And he had an idea.

“Okay, I guess that makes sense,” Rey replied as she wiped her eyes, but Ben could sense her hesitation. He also felt her helplessness. She looked so small sitting on the bed, wallowing in her thoughts and emotions, trying her very hardest to hold her tears in. He couldn’t help but sit down next to her and pulled her into a hug. Surprisingly, she leaned into him and continued to sob. More emotions flooded through their bond. She was worried and sad. She was angry, angry at herself for giving her child away. She wanted to go back in time and stop herself from doing so.

Ben too was upset. But this anger was not new; this anger had tortured him for the last 13 years. However, maybe, just maybe things weren’t as bad as he thought. This way, Ben could watch over and protect his son, while Anakin remained safe and hidden.


	8. The Seed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin is given a tour of his new home, meets a new friend, and begins to question his parentage.

The next half hour or so after I arrived was a bit of a blur.

I was escorted into the common room, which contained a handful of tables that were scattered throughout the room and a few stacks of chairs which were next to the wall. When I entered, there was around 15 kids there. Some were playing games on the tables, others were sitting on the floor and reading, and a few were talking with small droid.

“This is where you can hang out during your free time,” the officer had said before he guided me to a hall shooting off from this main room and where the bunkrooms were located.

“I think there’s room in this one for you. Go ahead and put your bag down on any bunk which is bare.” A little over half of the bunks had sheets on them and most of the sheets were nicely made. I chose a top bunk in the back corner and was about to climb up when the officer stopped me and asked to check my bag. He cleared me and told me to put my bag on my bunk. While doing so a boy greeted the officer.

“Good afternoon, officer.”

“This your bunk?” the officer asked as he gestured to the bottom bunk.

“Yes sir.”

“You have a bunkmate now, Connelly,” he said to my new bunkmate, before turning his attention back to me. He swiftly turned and walked out of the room, telling me to follow. He pointed to the end of the hallway, informing me where the ‘fresher was, and then walked back into the common room.

From there, I was shown where the mess hall and training rooms were located. Both of which were also connected to the common room by short hallways. However, there were different exits out of each room.

The officer took me through one of them and we entered what appeared to be a medical bay. Another officer took over from there, while this first turned back.

“You can wear your clothes from home during off times, but during the rest of your schedule you have to wear ones we provide you.”

He then had the medical droid scan me to make sure I didn’t have any underlying health problems. After passing this test, the officer went into another room for a minute or so and came back with some clothes. He handed them to me, saying these were what I would have to wear during training.

“What’s your full name?” he asked as he picked up a data pad. I responded while looking around the room.

“Solo?” he asked.

“Yes,” I said, curious as to why surprise covered the officer’s face.

“Well, here’s your identification.” He handed me the small piece of paper which the data pad printed.

“Thanks.”

The officer then walked me back to my bunk while explaining to me what my daily life would look like. My first training session, mainly running, would be early in the morning. Then breakfast, some studies, more training, lunch, jobs, free time, more training, dinner. After seeing my overwhelmed face, he assured me that it wasn’t too bad since everyone else would be doing it too.

Once in the bunks, he showed me the drawers underneath my sleeping matt, which was where I was too store everything I now had. Inside the drawers were my bedsheets. As I unpacked and easily fit everything into my storage, the officer explained more.

“Your official schedule will begin in a few day cycles, so about half a week. Your group will be the rest of this bunkroom and the equivalent female bunkroom. Until you officially start, you will have a few mandatory trainings and such, just to get you used to how we run things here. Any other questions?”

“No, thank you.” The officer nodded and then left.

“Hi, I’m Eldin, Eldin Connelly.” The boy who’s bunk was below me jumped out of his bed and put his hand out. I hadn’t even noticed he was in his bunk.

“I’m Anakin Solo,” I said as I shook his hand. He appeared to be my age with bright blue eyes and blonde hair as curly as mine.

“Solo?” Eldin asked, his eyes gleaming with interest.

“Yes? Why is my name so surprising? That officer said the same thing.”

“What’s your parents' names?”

“Uh, I don’t know. I was raised by my aunt,” I replied, a hint of sadness in voice.

“Oh! I’m sorry! Here, let’s sit on my bunk and chat about something else. How ‘bout we talk about…” He trailed off as he sat down, clearly uncomfortable with my answer.

“No, don’t worry about it. We can sit down and talk about, books? Do you like to read?”

“Yeah. I usually enjoy stuff about other made-up galaxies.”

“I like those types of books too. But, could you tell me why my name was so surprising?” I asked. I didn’t mind discussing books, but I was also really interested about why my name caused such a reaction.

“You don’t know?”

“Know what?”

“You really don’t know anything. It’s a pretty common legend, I’m surprised you hadn’t heard of it,” Eldin said before he paused. His face then lit up with surprise and excitement. “Unless, there was a reason the myth was kept from you!”

“What?”

“Well, how much time do we have?” Eldin turned around so he could see the clock on the wall. “We have lots of time. So, I guess I should start with the true thing. Or, probably true thing. Those that know the truth haven’t really confirmed or denied it. The Supreme Leader’s birth name is believed to be Ben Solo, the son of the Resistance’s previous general and a well known smuggler.

“No one has said it’s true, but many believe it’s at least possible. My mom’s theory is that the general didn’t want to be connected to Kylo Ren, like how she was connected to her father, Darth Vader.”

“Just because we have the same name doesn’t mean anything. I’m sure we’re not the only people to have the last name ‘Solo.’”

“True, but you have the same hair,” Eldin said with a smirk.

“Kay. But-”

“Lemme tell you the rest! So the part that’s really a legend is that there has been a rumor going around that Kylo Ren and the Resistance’s Jedi got together and had a child.”

“What? But she’s a Jedi, and part of the Resistance, which hates the First Order. And what does that have to do with me-oh. You think I’m this child?”

“It’d make sense. And I’m not saying you definitely are, but you gotta admit there are some similarities. And you said yourself that you don’t know who your parents are. The only thing is, I don’t think either of them have siblings.”

“Actually, she’s not really my aunt. She’s somehow related to my dad. And her last name is not ‘Solo,’ so doesn’t that disprove your point?”

“Not necessarily. What’s her name?”

“Emily Organa.”

“Dude! That actually proves my point even more! Ben Solo’s mother was General Leia Organa.” Eldin was beaming with excitement as he connected his dots inside his head. He then pulled a journal out of his storage and began thumbing through it; out of the corner of my eye, I saw a title of a story Auntie Em had told me when I was younger. Maybe the journal was a book of stories?

I stared at Eldin as I was trying to understand what he had just said. I didn’t really believe that I was this mythic child he told me about. But he was correct when he said there were some weird coincidences.

However, it was only a myth, a legend. By definition, it wasn’t true.

And it would suck to find out who my parents were through a legend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** I know I want this fic to be 100 chapters, and knowing my tendency to get burned out, I think I might split this up into four parts and take a bit of a break in between each. If I were to do this, should I put all 100 chapters in this single fic, or should I do four separate fics for each "episode?"


	9. The Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback to when Rey finds out she is pregnant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so sorry I didn't post last Saturday!! This stupid chapter stubbornly refused to be written. (I think my creative well was empty)  
> But here's the chapter which I have been wanting to write for literal months. Enjoy. :)

**Thirteen Years Earlier**  
 _Rey was sitting on her bed in her room on the new Resistance base. As usual, she was nauseous and unreasonably exhausted. It hadn’t even been a hard training day._

_It was dinner time, but she didn’t really feel like eating. She would probably throw whatever she ate up anyway. Instead, she decided her body needed sleep._

_After sliding underneath the covers and closing her eyes, she began to think. She began to think about him. It had been over a month since Crait, and over a month since she had seen Ben. Or Kylo. Or whoever he was. She felt empty. She could still feel his Force energy mixing with hers; they were still connected. He was angry, and after a moment of concentrating, she realized he felt betrayed and hurt because of her rejection._

_While digging into his emotions, Rey felt something else: she felt a foreign force signature. And it was connected to her. She sat up and placed her hand on her stomach, trying to see if she could feel it again. She could._

_Sleeping was no longer her top priority. She had to be wrong._

_There was a knock at her door as she jumped out of bed._

_“Rey, are you okay?” Leia’s concerned voice asked. Rey hesitated for a moment before deciding she wouldn’t mind Leia accompanying her._

_“General,” Rey said as she opened the door._

_“Are you coming to eat? You’ve looked so frail recently.”_

_“No. I, uh, was actually going to find the medbay. Would you come with me?”_

_“I would love to accompany you,” Leia said as she took a step back, allowing Rey to enter into the hallway. Rey began awkwardly walking in the direction of the Resistance’s new medbay._

_“You aren’t going to ask me what’s wrong?”_

_“Do you want me to?”_

_Rey didn’t know the answer to Leia’s question. Did she want to tell Leia she was pregnant? She would inevitably find out in a few months if she didn’t hear the medical droid’s diagnosis._

_But then the General would ask about the father, and Rey was sure she didn’t want to discuss that matter. She didn’t even understand that part._

_“Um, I feel like I should prepare you.”_

_“Very little surprises me anymore, Rey.”_

_“Right,” Rey responded before biting her lip. “I think I’m pregnant. Er, I know I am.”_

_To Rey’s surprise, Leia said nothing and instead put her arm around the younger woman as they continued to walk._

_Upon seeing the two of them entering, the medical droid began to happily beep hello. Rey smiled at the droid’s childlike enthusiasm at seeing people. Rey had her blood taken and then was asked to wait while the droid ran the test._

_“I don’t know this could be possible,” Rey blurted out after a silent minute._

_“How what could be possible?” Leia asked with a gentle voice._

_“How I could be pregnant. I know how-how babies are made. And I didn’t do that.” Rey’s words were followed by another awkward silence. Then the medical droid beep-booped before informing Rey that she was, in fact, pregnant. She then mumbled a quick thank you before walking out of the room. Leia followed her._

_Neither of the women said anything on the walk back to Rey’s room. Once there, Rey sat down on her bed._

_“Rey, may I come sit with you?” Leia’s question was met with a nod._

_“Have I ever told you about my father’s father? My paternal grandfather?” she asked as she sat next to Rey._

_“Adoptive or biological?”_

_“Biological,” Leia answered with a chuckle._

_“No, I don’t believe you’ve told me about him.”_

_“That’s because he doesn’t exist, and he never has.”_

_“What?”_

_“My father was conceived in an unusual way. The force wanted balance, and so it impregnated my grandmother.” Leia said as she put her arm around a very confused Rey._

_“So, you think the same thing happened to me?” Rey asked timidly; Leia nodded in response._

_“I think it’s possible.”_

_“I guess it makes sense. But, I’m not so sure,” Rey said, before blurting out the words she had been so scared to say._

_“I think there’s a father. I can feel, through the force, that this child is his.”_

_“I haven’t heard of such a thing. However, knowing what I do about the force, I wouldn’t be surprised,” Leia commented after a moment._

_“Do you mind telling me who the father is?”_

_“Uh.” Rey wasn’t sure about that. She really wanted to tell the general, but could she? She knew Leia still believed there was still good in her son. But it was all so difficult for Rey._

_“Ben,” Rey said quietly. “Ben is the father.”_

_“I thought as much, but part of me thought I was being too hopeful.” Leia pulled Rey tighter. Rey let out a sigh of relief and began to cry. Through her tears, she told the General about her connection with Ben. Leia squeezed Rey even tighter as she ignored the single tear sliding down her own cheek._

_“How am I going to tell him? Should I even tell him?” Rey asked._

_“You have to figure that one out on your own. But I’m sure you will.” Leia gave Rey one last squeeze before standing and walking to the door._

_“Rey, I want you to know that I will always stand by you and support you, okay?”_

_“Thanks Leia,” Rey replied. And then Leia left, closing the door behind her._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave comments if you have any suggestions!


	10. The New Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin makes new friends and gains a new nickname.

Eldin and I spent the next half hour sitting on his bunk, chatting. Although we started talking about the mythic child, we ended up switching to discussing pod racing, something we both were interested in. Eldin was from Batuu where podracing was still common years after it had been made illegal.

Our conversation ended when Elden glanced at the clock in the wall.

“Crud. We have to go. It’s time for training,” he said as he hopped off the bunk. I noticed he was wearing clothes we had been given.

“Do I need to change?” I asked as I pulled at my shirt which I arrived wearing. Eldin looked down at my clothes before shaking his head.

“No. Not until we officially start our cycle. Which will probably start in a few days, depending on when our bunkroom is full,” Eldin said. I was still slightly confused by the whole “cycle” thing. I supposed they were starting cycles when the rooms were full because of low staffing of the First Order. Like there wasn’t enough adults joining or staying in the Order, there probably wasn’t enough stormtrooper recruits. Realizing this made me even more positive that I had made the correct choice coming here. I had to go behind Auntie Em’s back, but I knew it was worth it. 

“Anyone ever call you ‘Nik’?’

“What?”

“Like, A-nik-in?” my new friend asked.

“No, but I like that,” I said after a minute of thinking. At first, I though about going by my full name. I didn’t mind going by “Ani” at home, but it felt nice to start fresh with a new name. But a new nickname was cool.

“Okay, Nik, let’s go run.”

\---

We trained with our bunkroom and the girl’s bunkroom, but I didn’t really have enough breath to talk to anyone else. Training was an hour of running. I’ve never enjoyed running, but I wasn’t bad at it, so it wasn’t terrible. I was grateful when it was done and we were told to shower before lunch. It didn’t feel like it was lunchtime, it felt too soon. And it felt too late. I figured the latter was because of this new adventure, as well as being in space where day and night felt the same.

However, I was hungry and so was ready for lunch.

Although our portion of the ship wasn’t too large and I was fairly certain I could find my way to the showers and then the mess hall, I let Eldin show me where everything was again. Hearing it twice wouldn’t hurt anything, and his tour was beneficial because it was being lead by a fellow recruit. He would make comments officers most likely couldn’t, such as which ‘fresher was the best.

While eating a delicious lunch, I met some of Eldin’s friends. He and two other kids had been the first in our bunkroom, having arrived a week ago. Apparently, after the first day, more kids came each day. It surprised me how close some of the kids had became in the few days they had known each other.

The mess hall was full of kids, and I guessed they were all between the ages of 13 and 16. Eldin’s group of friends was made of up 13- and 14-year-olds. One girl, Winola, was very friendly and chatty. She was that girl who is friends with everyone. She had caramel hair in a side braid and blue-green eyes. She and I easily fell into a conversation about droids.

Winola’s and my conversation reached a dull point when a boy with light brown, shaggy hair sat down next to Eldin on the other side of the table. His eyes were the same hazel as mine. Eldin swallowed his last bite of food before acknowledging him.

“Oh hey, Lance.”

“Hi-I forgot it was lunchtime,” Lance responded shyly, stealing a glance at me which ended when I caught his eye. I could already tell that he was extremely introverted. 

“Hey, I’m A-Nik.” I still wasn’t used to the new nickname, but I definitely liked it.

Lance nodded at me with acknowledgement before looking down at his food. I was looking at him, trying to think up something to say.

“Hey Nik do you have any brothers or sisters? I have one older brother. He’s already an actual stormtrooper,” Winola bubbled while eating a cookie.

“Uh, I don’t have any. I don’t think so at least.” My answer caused Lance to look up for a moment, clearly intrigued. And so I continued.

“I was raised by a family member. I’ve never met my parents. So, I guess I technically could have siblings. But.” I paused. My parents had always been a source of pain and confusion. I surprised myself with how many times I had already opened up about it. I was talking about it with people I had only known for a few minutes.

“But, my aunt always told me I couldn’t be with my parents because they are tangled in this war, so I doubt I have any brothers or sisters.” Thinking about and saying Auntie Em’s words for the first time since hearing about this mythical child made me think. By the way Eldin’s eyes were smirking, I could tell he realized the connection as well.

“I wasn’t raised by my parents either.” I didn’t notice the last time he spoke, but this time I clearly heard Lance’s accent. Normally I didn’t notice when someone talked differently, but his accent was unusual. It just wasn’t a common accent, at least not from the planet I grew up on.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I replied. I didn’t know what else to say, even as someone who never met their parents. I personally knew how much of a sore subject it could be, and I didn’t want to cause Lance any misery.

“It’s no big deal-er, it is a big deal, but. I mean, nevermind,” Lance awkwardly said as he looked back down at his lunch.

“I understand.”

\---

The rest of lunch was filled with smalltalk about this and that. I happily indulged in talking and distracting myself from my confusing mess of thoughts. I was in no way convinced that I was this mythical child, but I couldn’t convince myself otherwise. I probably wasn’t this child, but there were so many coincidences and connections. Looks-wise, I definitely could be the child, and I certainly didn’t know who my parents were.

And then there was my force sensitivity. I hadn’t told anyone here about it, and I wasn’t sure if I ever would. One reason was because it would be another connection to the legendary child, and perhaps even the strongest one. Auntie Em told me that force sensitive people, especially with my level of sensitivity, have become more and more rare. Eldin would use this as definite proof of his theory, and I wanted to stall that revelation.

In addition, I wasn’t too sure how others would react because of the rarity of my force sensitivity. I wasn’t sure they would react badly, but I didn’t want to risk scaring anyone away, especially since I didn’t think anyone else was force sensitive. Other than Lance. I thought I could feel some amount of the force coming off of him.

After lunch was free time, during which Eldin, Lance and I played some holo game before it was time to attend a lesson. From the others’s bored faces and the basic content I was pretty sure we had one lesson about rules and crap which we would have to sit through until our cycle officially started.

Eldin told me that usually we would’ve had some more free time before dinner, but today was different. We were called to line up along the walls of an empty, black room. There was a sort of bridge overlooking the room on the opposite wall. Two stormtroopers stood there, staring down at us.

A red haired general stepped onto the bridge and nodded at the troopers who took a step back.

“I am General Hux, the head of the stormtrooper program you have joined. I am sure you will find that this program is an excellent one,” the red head said, his voice full of arrogance.

“And now, Supreme Leader Ren will speak.” Gasps could be heard throughout the room. The Supreme Leader was rarely seen by anyone other than those who work on the Supremacy. Eldin had even mentioned that he hadn’t seen Kylo Ren in the few days he had been here.  
Unsurprisingly, I felt Kylo Ren before he stepped out onto the bridge. He truly was as powerful as people say.

“Recruits, I am so grateful you have decided to aid the First Order in our fight. I sincerely hope you enjoy your time,” Kylo Ren’s voice boomed around the room. He glanced around the room for a quick moment before nodding at one of the officers in the room. 

He then walked off the bridge with his cape flowing behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so, so sorry this chapter is up so late! Work is tiring my out!
> 
> Please feel free to leave comments if you like this fic or have any suggestions (corrections or ideas for the future).
> 
> As always, thanks for reading!!


	11. The Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All the thoughts and feelings of how to raise Anakin, both in the present and in the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got the chapter written in time!!!! (just barely, lol)
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos!! I'm glad I'm not the only one who enjoys this story lol.
> 
> Also, I hope this chapter makes sense and is, idk, readable? enjoyable? I like the premise, but I feel like there may be something off? and everyone is asleep cuz it's past 11pm so i can't get anyone to beta read. It may just be that weird thing where writers can't read their writing because it's awkward to them, and i'm not entirely sure why i'm writing this note, but i felt like getting it out??? idk. maybe i need to sleep.....
> 
> Anyhoo, i hope you enjoy!! and i will (hopefully) see you next Saturday with Ani's (or Nik's) next chapter!!

“I need to go back now,” Rey said as she stood up and out of Ben’s grip. As much as she enjoyed his hug, she couldn’t just sit there. They were enemies. Again. Still? They were something, and that something still forbade them from being together. Or something like that.

This “something” didn’t mean, however, that she didn’t want to be with him. She wanted Ben so bad it hurt.

The last twelve years had been incredibly difficult for her. After all, she abandoned her child.

No, she didn’t abandon her son, she protected him. By giving him away, and pretending he never even existed. It was safer for him this way. He could be used against her, against Ben. And if forced into that situation, Rey was positive both she and Ben would choose Anakin. They already had when they chose to not let the whole galaxy know they had a child.

They could hide their relationship; that scenario only caused pain to her and Ben. But how do you hide a boy? You ship them off to live with someone who will care for and raise them away from the stupid war.

Rey supposed she could’ve raised their son by herself, with Ben doing whatever he could through their bond. However, would Ben even be able to see his son? Touch his son? Could their son be able to see Ben? Ben had been able to see his son after he was born, so the answers to the first two questions were probably yes. But Anakin had just been a baby, something small enough that maybe Rey or Ben could manifest into the bond? Could they still do that when Anakin got older?

Luke had been able to see Ben on Ach-To, Leia when Anakin was born. They were both force sensitive.

Anakin was definitely force sensitive; anyone who could feel the force could feel Rey’s unborn child and his strength. Maybe their son could see Ben.

But that plan wouldn’t have worked. Anakin would’ve been raised on a military base, which was not something neither Rey nor Ben had wanted.

As his parents, they chose the most difficult option: not raising their child. But they had to, they had to protect him.

Even though she had successfully blocked this memory out, Rey could still recall when the two of them made this decision. She and Ben had already discussed what to do after the birth, and she had spoken to Leia about their problem. Leia had told Rey how she and Luke were separated at birth and sent to live with their parents’s relatives and friends. Rey then informed Ben at what his mother had said.

_Rey closed her door slowly and took a deep breath as she leaned against the door. She had just finished her training with Leia. Not that she did much training now that she was in the sixth month of pregnancy. Nowadays, her trainings were mainly meditation and studying the ancient Jedi texts._

_Often, they would spend the session talking about the baby. Sometimes these conversations were happy, sometimes stressful. Other times, they were depressing. Today had been one of those conversations. It wasn’t a new concept, in fact, it was one Rey had thought about quite a bit. She had also discussed it with Ben._

_While they still had a few months before their child was born, they had to at least start thinking about what would happen after the birth. It was a sore topic neither of them wanted to address as there was not prefect solution._

_But they had to talk about it; they had to have at least some plan of action thought up when their child was born._

_They had already spent a couple of nights throwing out “what if’s” and “maybe”s, and neither liked any of the options._

_Upon hearing Rey speak of the dilemma, Leia had said that she wasn’t sure if there was a right option. Rey simply nodded her head, having already coming to that conclusion. The two women sat in silence for a few minutes, until Leia spoke._

_“Rey,” she said, clearly debating whether or not she should continue her thought. Rey looked up from her hands resting on her bump and into Leia’s eyes._

_“You’re not going to like this, however, I have another option for you.”_

_“Just say it.” Rey began to forcefully wring her hands and looked down._

_“Did you know that my brother and I were raised separately?”_

_“Uh, not really, no.”_

_“We were. Our mother died after giving birth, and our father was, not present. I was adopted by Senator Organa and Luke was sent to live with our uncle.”_

_“No.” Rey didn’t let Leia finish her thought._

_“I know, Rey, I know.”_

_“I am not abandoning my child. They will grow up next to me and know how loved they are.”_

_“On a military base, in the middle of a war, thousands of miles away from their father.”_

_Rey wanted to slap Leia for saying that, for pointing out the blatantly obvious fact she had been trying to push down and lock away._

_However, she knew Leia was right. However, she couldn’t deal with that conversation right now._

_“I’m sorry, I have to go,” she said as she excused herself back to her room._

_Which was where she was when the tears began to fall._

_“Rey.”_

_Rey looked up at Ben through teary eyes before walking over to her bed and sinking down, rubbing her eyes with the palms of her hands, trying to stop the tears. Sobs still managed to escape._

_“What’s wrong?”_

_“Everything.”_

_“Want to talk about it?” Ben asked as he sat down next to Rey and pulled her into a hug._

_“No. Yes. I don’t know. I hate pregnancy hormones.” Her sobs slowed._

_“So, is that a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’?” he jokingly asked. Rey was not in the mood to joke._

_“Ben! This is serious. Serious.” She once again was sobbing. She tried to control her cries so she could have a conversation with Ben, but she couldn’t stop her crying. She eventually gave up, knowing she her tears would undoubtedly begin again._

_“Leia suggested we let someone else raise the baby,” Rey somehow mentioned to get out. She thought about broaching the topic slowly, but she couldn’t bear the burdon alone anymore._

_Ben continued to hold Rey as he took in what she had just said. He was staring off into the distance, his lips slightly parted._

_Neither of them said anything for the next five minutes._

_“I think she’s right,” Rey admitted. It seemed as though her eyes had ran out of tears to cry. Ben still didn’t say anything._

_“I don’t want to. I want to raise my child, but I don’t know if it would be fair for them to grow up on a military base.” Rey’s sobs had broken down her mental walls, allowing her to start thinking more clearly. She had convinced herself that she had been thinking with her child’s intentions in mind. However, she now realized she hadn’t._

_She was trying to protect her child’s feelings and wellbeing. But she was also trying to make up for her childhood, which wasn’t necessarily wrong. The problem with her trying to fix her past was that she was incredibly important in the war, as was the child's father. This fact alone would make raising a child difficult as neither of them could really opt out of the war.  
However, not only were they both a part of the war, they were on complete opposite sides. Their child would not live with both of his or her parents, nor could he or she even talk about his or her parents. The child would be hated by both sides if his or her heritage was known._

_“Would you really do that?” Ben finally asked; he sounded a bit disappointed, but not surprised. Apparently he had thought about this possibility as well._

_“I don’t know. I think it’s the best option for our baby,” Rey said as she rubbed her stomach._

_“I’m not so sure.”_

_“That’s okay. We still have a few months. I’m not completely sure either. However, I am positive I don’t want my child growing up on the Resistance base.”_

_“If you think it’s best,” Ben painfully responded. He clearly hadn’t wanted to say those words, but he too knew that growing up on the base was not the best option for a child. While he hadn’t grown up on a military base, he had grown up surrounded by politics and with busy parents. Would his child’s situation be any different? He hoped so, but he had always had so much of his parents in him…_

_Rey was able to hear his thoughts as he was too deep in thought to stop them from flowing into her mind. In response, she brought her right hand up and placed it on his neck as she nuzzled into him._

_“You won’t turn into your parents, even if our child grows up on the base. And we wouldn’t be giving our baby away forever; just until this war is over.”_

_Ben nodded before resting his chin her head and pulling Rey in closer._

They only other time either of them brought up this discussion was when Rey asked Leia to arrange a guardian. They had both silently agreed to do whatever would be best for their child, and they both knew what the best choice was.

And with pain in their hearts, they followed through.


	12. The Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (time jump)  
> Nik finds a book about the Force which, surprise surprise, talks about the Skywalkers.  
> He also has weird dreams.  
> And a _thing_ happens....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I haven't posted in almost three weeks! Life has been busy, but I have the next chapter half-written, and am settling into my new school year, so, hopefully I can get back to posting every Saturday (even tho today's friday....)
> 
> Anyhoo, I hope you enjoy!!

It had been a little over a week when my official cycle started. I overheard some of the guards discussing the decreasing interest in the First Order, and they always sounded worried.

My new schedule wasn’t too different to my “pre-cycle” schedule. My days were full of trainings, studies, and more free time than I had imagined

Trainings and studies were relatively enjoyable, although, I never enjoyed running days or exams. Unsurprisingly, I really enjoyed free time, during which I would hang out with my friends, usually playing games on a holotable, or I would spend time in the library, which was just a storage closet with books. It was a relatively big closet and had plenty of books on a variety of topics.

There were books of far off lands, of different hobbies, and of legends. There were a handful of books about the history of this and that. My favorite was a thick book called An Introduction to the Force; it told the history of the Force at a basic-ish level. There were complicated topics, some of which were relatively unknown, but they were explained relatively simply.

Other topics in the book were more well known, such as the section about the legendary Skywalker family. This section had plenty of myths incorporated into the text. Some of these myths tried to explain the mysterious family, while other legends were simply speculations. In addition to the weirdness with this family, their unique connection to the Force allowed normally ridiculous possibilities to be completely plausible.

I really enjoyed this section, and even stole the entire book. Kind of. The library wasn’t really run like the ancient one back on my homeplanet. Moreover, it wasn’t ran at all. I was one of the few kids who actually visited the library, and the book had dust on it when I first found it. No one ever asked me about it. So I kept it in my storage drawer underneath my bunk and I read it during free time and right before lights out.

One thing I found quite interesting was the Organa family. They were mentioned as the Resistance’s General’s adoptive family. There wasn’t much about them, but there was a paragraph stating that use of the Force did not appear to run in the family.

Auntie Em was Force sensitive.

After finding out that tidbit, I decided to put the book away and go to sleep.

\---

Sleep had become an interesting time for me as I had recently began having weird dreams. Each night I dreamt a similar, but different dream.

I was always in blackness and surrounded by an emptiness I couldn’t explain. Then there would be a voice, which changed every night. The words, however, were the same.

“Anakin, help us. Please, we desperately need you. You alone can do what needs to be done.”

And then the dream would end.

I thought about telling my friends about my dreams, but something deep down told me not to. It was probably the same voice which told me to not inform anyone about my Force sensitivity. Neither topic ever really came up in conversation, so it wasn’t too hard to withhold this information.

However, that was before the incident.

\---

We had just finished our warm-up run; it was early in the day cycle and we had just woken up 30 minutes before. The First Order officer running our trainings was telling what the day’s session would look like.

I, like the rest of the group, was panting and trying to regain my breath when I heard a quiet creak. At first I thought the sound was in my head and thus didn’t pay any attention to it.  
Then another, louder, creak came. This time, most of the other heard it and began to look around, the officer included. Another creak came, quickly followed by two more.

Looking up, we realized the creaking was coming from one of the large lights which were located where the walls connected the ceiling.

We all looked up, stunned, as another creak came and we saw the light tilt downwards. A gasp escaped the group and then common sense took over as we thought to back up.  
We weren’t fast enough and had only took two steps back when, with an extremely loud noise, the light fell off the wall. Some kids had managed to scatter and run to the edges of the room, while others ran for the center of the room, scared that all the lights would fall. A final group of kids, including me, stayed put; we were too stunned to move. Or, the others were. I had felt something calling out to me, telling me to stay were I was, and so I did.  
I watched as the light was falling, my brain seeing it in slow motion. It would undoubtedly hit the officer who was staring up with fear in his eyes. However, a second before it would’ve hit him, it was flung to the right, smashing into the wall.

For a moment, I didn’t know what had happened as I stared at the light as it fell out of dent it had caused and crash onto the hard floor. I was subconsciously pulling my arm out of the air when I realized what I had just done.

I had thrown the light into the wall, saving the officer.

Everyone was looking at me, shock and disbelief etched into their faces.

I was panting even heavier than before, and as the adrenaline faded, I began to feel lightheaded and dizzy. I sank down into a sitting position, still surprised at what I had just done.

I knew was Force sensitive, very Force sensitive, but I hadn’t ever done anything like that before.

“Nik, are you okay?” Winola tentatively asked. She had taken a step back, but hadn’t ran to the opposite wall.

It took me a moment to respond as I tried to shuffle through my thoughts.

“Uh, yes. I think.” The dizziness was subsiding as my breathing began to come back to normal. Some of the other kids began to walk to where we were originally standing, obviously staying away from me. The kids who had been standing near me when I threw the light aside took a few steps to the side, putting distance between themselves and me. Only my three closest friends were still near me. Although, I could tell Winola was slightly scared. 

The officer was staring at where the light had been attached to the ceiling.

“Uh, you guys can head back and shower,” he said, still staring at the ceiling in disbelief. As we were heading back to the refreshers, he turned his head to look at us. “Solo, can you stay behind for a moment?”

I nodded and stopped walking. My friends looked at me before walking away.

I was scared at what the officer had to say. Part of me wondered if I would be kicked out of the program because of my Force abilities.

“Anakin, thanks. I don’t know how that would’ve ended if you hadn’t, uh, saved me. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” I stammered. The officer nodded at me before turning around and walking to a data pad attached to the wall. I also turned around and began walking back to the ‘freshers, thoughts running through my head.


	13. The Two Oddly Shaped Puzzle Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts and feelings and is that their relationship re-blooming?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're almost to 50 kudos! thank all of you guys so much!!!
> 
> also, this chapter's a bit of a wild ride full of emotions cuz, reylo....
> 
> anyhoo, i'll see you all with the next chapter (hopefully) next week, bye!!

Rey looked aimlessly around Kylo Ren’s quarters as her mind ran in circles. Ben stayed sitting on his bed as his eyes tried to follow hers.

“If you want to go, then go,” he said. He was hurt that she pulled herself out of his hug and then declared she had to leave.

“Ben,” Rey started, sensing his betrayal. “That’s not why I should leave. Er, it is, sort of. It’s complicated, our relationship.”

“We’re not in a relationship anymore.”

“You know what I mean.”

“No, I don’t.”

Rey heaved a sigh as she crossed her arms and sat back down on the bed. If she was completely honest, she didn’t even know what she meant. _were complicated._ She was a complicated person as was he. The two were them were two oddly shaped puzzle pieces which barely fit with their big picture; the Resistance for her and the First Order for him.

The two of them could fit together, but only if each piece was turned. Once turned, they could no longer fit into the big picture. 

And neither of them chose to be such a weird puzzle piece. 

“I don’t want to go. Trust me, if I could I would stay with you Ben. My feelings haven’t dwindled,” Rey confessed as a shiver ran through her. 

“I’m surprised. With how last time ended and such.” 

“It was just an argument, Ben. All couples have arguments.” Rey was becoming more confident in her words. 

“After I had had a few days to cool down, I wanted to talk to you, to try and work things out. But I couldn’t.” 

“Because the bond was shut,” Ben finished. Rey nodded. 

“Maybe it was for the best. We’re fighting a war against each other.” Rey sighed but didn’t say more. There wasn’t anything else for either of them to say. They had spent months back then throwing around the “what if we ran away”s. Now, they weren’t even in that sort of relationship. Albeit, they probably could be together if they did run away, but neither of them really could. It wasn’t that they didn’t want to, they just could not escape the war.  
If they could’ve ran away, then they wouldn’t be in this mess they were presently in. They would be living on some faraway planet with their son as a family. 

However, that wasn’t the choice they chose. 

“Do you ever wish that there was another way?” Rey asked. Sensing Ben’s confusion, she elaborated. 

“That giving him up wasn’t the only choice which made sense; that we could of raised him together as a normal family and that would be in the best interest of him?” 

Ben didn’t respond right away. His silence worried Rey. Perhaps he didn’t share her pain like she had thought. Maybe he didn’t want to raise their son and she had misinterpreted his words and thoughts and feelings. However, she had literally been inside his mind; wouldn’t she had seen his true thoughts? 

“Everyday.” His answer caused a wave of relief to wash over her. She had really worked herself up in the minute or two he had been silent; she had even wondered, for a split second, if she had been confusing Kylo for Ben. It had been a quick thought which she immediately regretted. He may not have turned to the lightside like she had expected him to, but the darkside hadn’t completely swallowed him. She was sure of this. 

Rey also knew that Ben still existed and there was still light left in him because she was his light, just as he was her darkness. 

He claimed to be fully dark, however, in reality, a chunk of him would always be light. She claimed to be fully light, but she had darkness inside her. And they each strengthened the other. 

They really did fit together. However, they still were on opposite side of the war; they would truly have to run away to be with one another. 

Rey was done thinking of their twisted destiny, and instead went back to messing with her emotions in a different way. 

“Do you think about him everyday?” Rey asked. Ben nodded in reply. Rey continued. 

“It’s a weird feeling to live with; a painful one. It’s as though-it’s like there’s a-” she couldn’t figure out the right words to describe the agonizing feeling she had lived with for the past thirteen years. 

“-a piece of your heart is missing, and everyday is breaks a bit more.” Ben finished her thought and finished it perfectly. 

“Do you ever wonder if we made the wrong choice?” 

“Yes. But it was the right choice.” 

Tears began to fall down Rey’s face as her thoughts ran around her head and twisted themselves into a gnarly knot. 

“What if I just stay here? On board the Supremacy?” 

“What? No.” 

“You don’t want me to?” 

“No, that’s not what I mean.” Ben sighed. “You should go. You need to go back to the Resistance base. You have a job to do, I have a job to do. We’re still fighting the war, Rey. This is why we gave him to Emily in the first place.” 

“That didn’t work,” Rey muttered as she roughly swiped a tear away. 

“I know, but we can’t discuss that right now. We don’t even know what happened and why he’s here.” 

“How are we going to figure out why he’s here?” Rey sniffled. 

“I’m going to try and get into contact with Em, if she doesn’t contact me first.” 

“How would she contact you?” 

“She’ll find a way. She always does. Hell, she’ll probably show up on the Supremacy somehow,” Ben said with a chuckle. 

“You’ve been oddly calm about this whole scenario.” Rey wiped even more tears away.  
Ben heaved another sigh before answering. 

“I knew for close to 8 hours before I was able to tell you. Not only have I had time to freak out, I’ve also had time to think. And I think this is a good thing. He will be safe here, maybe even safer than back home. 

“Even though I would trust Em with my life, and I know that our son is powerful, and I wouldn’t worry for even a moment about our son’s safety there, he’ll be even safer here.” 

“O-okay.” Rey stuttered out in between tears. “I’m just so confused and worried and upset and, and-” 

“Tired? Me too.” 

Rey held her face in her hands a took a deep sigh, trying to get a hold of herself. 

“I wish we could've been an actual family.” 

“Me too, but I’m too dark for you.” 

“And I’m too light for you. It’s a shame we couldn’t meet in the middle.” 

“Perhaps our son can.” 

“Maybe,” Rey replied, almost bitterly, as she stood up. “I guess you’re right I should go back now.” 

“At least our bond is open again.” 

“Our weird, unexplained bond.” 

“Yes.” 

“Okay, I’ll go now.” 

“I’ll walk you to your pod. For, First Order reasons. Because you’re an enemy.” 

“Yeah of course. I can sense you’re lying by the way,” Rey said with a smirk. 

“Shut up.” 

“Never.” 


	14. The Offer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nik discusses life after _the incident_ and receives a special offer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back ;)

It had been almost two standard months since the incident happened when another curve ball came my way.

Life in the stormtrooper program had became normal for me. And I loved every minute of it. I loved my trainings, even running had became much more enjoyable. Our lessons were also very interesting to me, although, my love for reading and books probably made our studies more enjoyable.

Of course, I loved free time and meals when I would joke around and talk with my friend group, which had gotten even bigger, which I was extremely happy about as I enjoyed other people. I had been worried after the incident that I would become the outcast, but that was not the case. Sure, some people were spooked and still liked to stay a significant distance away from me, but that didn’t really bother me too much. I understood their trepidation, if I wanted to, I probably could fling them into the nearest wall like I did that light.

Not that I would do that, but I certainly _could_ if I wanted to.

However, my force abilities were never mentioned by anyone after the incident. Anyone, other than my closest friends.

Winola was definitely the most weirded out of my three close friends. She admitted that she didn’t even believe the force was real as she only had a vague memory of hearing about it in a story her mother used to tell her and her brother before bed when they were young. She couldn’t even remember what the story was about other than that the force was a part of it. Although, after pondering for a moment, she reasoned out that whenever her brother told her a story about someone being flung across the room by Kylo Ren, the Supreme Leader was probably using the force.

Lance and I had one short conversation about the incident. He asked me if I had ever done something like that before. I simply shook my head and said something about how I knew I was force sensitive but had never accomplished such a feat in the past. I had only ever flung a small pebble a few feet.

Eldin, of course, was ecstatic once the initial shock wore off. Upon overhearing Lance’s and my conversation, he sort of pulled me aside and scolded me for not telling him I was force sensitive. I shrugged in response and he went on a monologue. As I suspected, my force ability was proof that I was the mythical child. To say I was still a bit skeptical would’ve been a bit of an understatement. Although, I would be lying if I claimed I wasn’t at least a little bit convinced. Or, maybe not _convinced_ exactly, but interested. It was true that there were many coincidences which caused my brain to throw around “what if” and “why.” At this point, I no longer thought Eldin was stretching things. Yes, maybe he was a bit too excited and enthralled in my _possible_ parentage, but there were enough dots that, when connected, formed a very interesting picture, but I still wasn’t really convinced.

However, that was before the Supreme Leader pulled me out of my trainings.

It was the training right before dinner and we were focusing on sit ups while the training officer was lecturing us about the importance of paying attention or something along those lines, I hadn’t really been listening to him. Instead, I was diligently finishing the 30 assigned sit ups while Eldin was sitting on my feet. While I really wasn’t good at running, I was able to do sit ups easily.

I could tell the moment he came near; the strength of the force radiating off of the Supreme Leader was hard to miss, if you were force sensitive. Gauging from Lance looking around, I think he felt it too.

It took the rest of the class a few moments before they too noticed he was near. I doubt they could feel the force radiating off of him, but I have learned that the Supreme Leader has a sort of air about him that makes him hard to miss, and I suppose his black, clad figure was easy to spot.

When the officer spotted him, he quickly went from a lecturing teacher to a stoic First Order officer with his hands clasped behind his back.

“Good day, Supreme Leader Ren. What may I do for you?”

“I need to talk with Solo,” Kylo Ren boomed. My heart began to race when he said my name, and although I was staring at the Supreme Leader, I could feel my classmates’ eyes staring holes into my head.

Of course they were staring. Nine times out of ten, when the Supreme Leader calls you out to talk, you don’t come back. Or so says the rumor mill.

The officer nodded before gesturing at me.

I swallowed and nodded at the officer before turning my head to look at Kylo Ren. He too looked away from the officer and then looked at me.

“Come along,” he said after a pause as he turned around and began walking towards the door. I followed him without hesitation.

We walked out into a corridor seemingly void of droids, troopers, and officers.

“Do you have any idea why I pulled you out?” he asked after a moment.

“Uh, no,” I admitted as I continued to try and keep up with his long strides.

“Take a guess.”

A voice popped into the back of my head and all of a sudden I had the answer.

“Because I’m force sensitive?” I ventured. It wasn’t the entirety of the whispered answer, but it was the only part I felt comfortable enough to say.

Kylo Ren stopped walking and looked down at me.

“Correct,” he said with the faintest hint of a smile.

The little voice continued to nudge my brain.

What would happen if just asked him? He was only a foot away from me, could I ask him? I desperately wanted too.

Yet I couldn’t bring myself to ask Kylo Ren if he was my father. I was scared of any answer.

“Remind me, what is your first name?”

“Uh, my full name is Anakin.”

“Have you ever had any training in the force, Anakin?”

“My aunt taught me a bit.”

“She is force sensitive?”

“Yeah, but in what I’ve learned is a sort of strange way.”

He quirked his brow at me, wanting me to elaborate.

“Um, she is very skilled with mind tricks, but she says she doesn’t have any, uh, physical force ability.”

“Did she teach you in both the physical and mental aspects of the force?”

“Somewhat, but she claimed she was not strong enough to really delve into either.”

Kylo Ren nodded.

“I could train you if you want,” he offered.

“Uhh,” was all my stunned self could say. I wanted to say yes, but would saying yes commit me forever? I wasn’t sure what this commitment was, but the tiny voice assured me there was one.

“Well, what do you say, kid?”

I still had the voice and this weird feeling about his offer, but the repressed desire to be trained in the force took over.

And so I agreed.


	15. The Rocky Path

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some force connections and romance and a rocky relationship happen(s).
> 
> AND the reylo chapters will now be happening simultaneously (ish) with Nik's chapters. yay for the timelines finally lining up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a f-bomb, just a heads up. i really need to reteach myself SW curses cuz i don't feel like kriff would work in that situation.
> 
> THEIR FORCE CONNECTION IS SO DANG DIFFICULT AND IT'S HARD TO TELL WHETHER THIS SHOULD BE CALLED OPENING THE BOND OR SHOULD THAT BE CALLED A CONNECTION.
> 
> i'm fine i promise

Two months had passed since Rey had last met Ben physically. They had had six meetings through their bond, six. Rey knew, she had kept count. The first one happened a little over a week after their meeting. Unluckily, it had happened in the middle of an incredibly boring meeting about the Resistance fleet or something. Not wanting the distraction, Rey shut the connection. She immediately regretted the decision as hurt began to flow through the bond.

“Not this again,” she muttered before turning her attention back to the meeting. Or, trying to. In reality, she was biting her lip, nodding whenever someone said something, and briskly excusing herself and heading back to her room when the meeting was finally over.

She sat down on her bed as she let out a big sigh. She remembered one of the reasons why she had been so done with him before. He was exasperating to deal with sometimes. He was always positive that every single thing she did meant she was mad at or angry with or didn’t want him.

Of course she knew the origins of his insecurity, and she felt bad for him. However, this hardly helped when she was just plain tired and he took her unwillingness to talk throughout the night as proof that she didn’t want him. She had just been fucking tired.

With another sigh, she closed her eyes and tried to open up their connection to no avail; it wouldn’t connect her to him. She wasn’t sure why. The force was weird. Or, maybe, since their bond had recently been re-opened, it was back to its juvenile, confusing pattern of when and why the connections came and who could control them.

“Crap, that would be annoying.”

Or perhaps he wasn’t allowing it to open.

She took a deep breath and tried to send calming feelings to him.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t close it because I didn’t want to talk to you or see you. I was just a bit occupied.” She had no way of knowing for sure if he received her message, but she thought he might have as his feelings flowing through their bond lessoned.

The next time they connected, Rey was alone in her room. But Ben wasn’t.

She could see him, slouched over in a chair invisible to her. He shifted and sat more upright towards someone. Rey smiled a small smile; it had always took him a minute before realizing they were connected.

“No, we are not going to do that,” he said.

There was a pause, during which Rey assumed the other person was talking.

“I said no. No, Hux, you do not have permission to proceed,” he yelled.  
There was another second or two of silence.

“This meeting is over.” Ben stood up and walked out of the room. The room where he was. He was still very much in her room.

She sat quietly on her very uncomfortable bed as she watched him walk to, she assumed, his room. He still didn’t appear to notice her.

“Kriffing Hux,” he muttered as he entered his quarters.

“What did he want to do?”

“Rey! How long have you been here?”

“Not too long.”

“Okay,” he replied as he let out a breath and took his gloves off, which he then proceeded to chuck to the side.

“This is weird, isn’t it?” Rey asked after a moment as she leaned back on her arms.

“What is?” His cape was now thrown somewhere.

“This bond.”

“We’ve had it for over a decade.”

“Have we, though? It was closed off for 12 years.”

“That doesn’t mean it didn’t exist.”

“How do you know that?” she asked accusingly.

“I read.”

“There’s books on our bond?”

“Are you seriously asking me that?”

“Yes.”

“Then, yes, there are. Plenty. I swear we’ve had this conversation before.”

“I don’t think we have.”

“Fine,” Ben replied as he sat down, apparently done ridding himself of all the extra clothing he wore.

“Okay, I’ll rephrase my question. Do you think reconnecting again is weird?”

“Not really. It just feels natural to walk into my quarters and be startled by you,” he answered. “And then wondering what you heard,” he continued with slightly-narrowed eyes.

“Which brings me back to my original question. What was Hux saying that caused you to abruptly end the meeting?” Rey pushed.

“Oh, something stupid,” he replied squirmily.

“You’re not telling me something,” she said, squinting her eyes.

“Did you forget we’re enemies?” he asked. She didn’t respond, she only looked down at her knees.

“I don’t really give a crap, but would you tell me what were you discussing at that meeting you chose over me?”

“No,” she said bitterly.

“See? We’re on opposite sides.”

“I never opposed that.” A single tear trailed down Rey’s cheek.

“Well, I am currently opposing it.”

“What?”

“I mentioned I’ve been reading up on this bond of ours. It’s so much more complicated than us simply being connected through the force.”

“What do you mean?”

“We’re more than just two force sensitives able to feel the other’s feelings-”

There was a knock at Rey’s door which yanked her attention from Ben, causing him to disappear from her sight.

The force didn’t connect them again for almost a whole standard week. Rey had forgotten she could miss him this much. It hurt her as she waited for the next time she could see him. She didn’t think they had rekindled such as strong relationship already. Yet, her heart ached.

At the same time, however, she felt more whole. She hadn’t even realized she had felt so empty during the decade their bond had been shut off.

It almost felt as though the part of her that now ached had been missing.

The ache was subsided the next time they met, but it returned when the force disconnected them. This pattern repeated itself through the final three connections and the ache grew each time they were disconnected as their relationship grew stronger.

Two months after Rey returned from the Supremacy, they had already re-fallen for each other. But it wasn’t the same as before; it couldn’t possibly be the same now that Anakin was around. They couldn’t be perfectly content with each other while their son had no clue who they were.

Not that they had ever been “perfectly content” before, with them being on opposing sides of the war, but now was still different.

Which brought them to their sixth connection.

“Rey! Finally, the force connected us again. I have a plan.”

“For what?” Rey asked as she ran her fingers through her damp hair.

“For our predicament with our son,” he answered.

“Okay then, go ahead,” she said, shock etched on her face.

“I offer to train him in the force.”

“Wouldn’t that cause suspicion?”

“No. His powers have already made an appearance.”

“What? When?”

“A couple weeks ago, he saved an officer from a falling light,” he said nonchalantly.

“And you didn’t think to tell me?”

“I didn’t think it was all too important. We both already knew he was force sensitive,” Ben replied with a shrug.

“Still! You got to tell me about these things. I-I’ve missed out on so much in his life, and I’m still missing out.” Tears began to fall down Rey’s face and her voice cracked. Of course she had understood she would miss a part of her child’s life when she decided to give him to Emily. But there had been no other options. And this fucking war was supposed to be over within a couple of years. And then she could finally settle down with her child. And with her boyfriend, the leader of the “bad guys.” Who she had just defeated.

How the hell did she think this was going to work?

Why the hell had she allowed herself to believe they could be one happy family?

“Rey!” Ben yelled, pulling Rey out of her mind.

“What?” she asked, her voice tainted with sadness.

“It’s okay.”

“Wh-”

“We’ll figure it out,” Ben tried to reassure her.

“Were you digging into my thoughts?” Rey accused.

“You won’t exactly hiding them.”

“Still.”

“Still what?”

“I-I don’t know,” she admitted as she harshly swept her tears away. “I just wish it could be different. I wish-” She paused, not wanting to admit the rest.

“It’s okay, I get it, Rey. I feel the same.”

This time, Ben’s assurance was actually reassuring.

Rey took a deep, shaky breath. She could continue with her life for now. She had too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we will get to see the other three force connections in a future chapter.
> 
> also, i haven't been reading any fanfics since september-ish. have any good reylo ones popped up since then??? lemme know.


	16. The Start of Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The air is changing....
> 
> Also, a whole hecking ton of dialogue. Sorry?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the hits and kudos! I can't believe this fic was viewed over 2000 times in just one year! Thanks again!!

My walk with the Supreme Leader took no more than 15 standard minutes and then he released me back to my training, where my peers were running their final laps before being released to dinner. The officer gestured for me to join them. I nodded before breaking into a sprint to catch up with Eldin and Lance, who were running together.

“What was that about?” Eldin asked me as quietly as he could while running.

“Uh,” I paused. The voice in my head told me to be careful with what I said, and while I was pretty sure the voice didn’t want me telling anyone anything specific anywhere, I decided I should at least wait until dinner or even afterwards in the bunks.

“I’ll tell you later.”

“Okay, but did he confirm it?” Eldin pushed.

“Look, Eldin, you know I can’t run and talk too well,” I replied, wanting to end this current conversation. And I was somewhat out of breath, so it wasn’t really lie.

“Wait,” Lance huffed out, “confirm what?”

“We’ll inform you later,” Eldin answered.

None of us said anything else while finishing our laps and being dismissed by the officer.

“So, you’ve got to tell us happened,” Eldin said as the three of us headed back to the showers. I was simply going to respond with “not now,” but then I caught Winola’s wandering, blue eye. She was walking with a large group of other girls back to their showers, but she clearly wasn’t paying any attention to their conversation.

Instead, it was clear she had been staring at me, waiting for me to look back. When I did look at her, she mouthed “what happened?”

“Later,” I unintentionally whispered in response. I assumed she understood as she nodded before looking at the girl next to her.

“What, Nik?” Eldin asked.

“Oh, uh, I’ll tell you two later when Winola can hear as well. C’mon, let’s go; I’m starving.”

\--

“Okay, spill the beans,” Winola said as she slammed down her food and sat across me, next to Lance.

“What beans?”

“Really, Eldin? It’s just a phrase.”

“Okay fine, yell at me, how ‘bout you.”

Winola sighed in response.

“Okay, you three need to fill me in. I assume you’re talking about what happened in training, but I’m getting the drift that there’s something more complicated than that,” Lance said.

“Why exactly haven’t we told Lance about our suspicions?” Winola asked before taking a sip of her bantha milk.

“Because it really isn’t anything,” I honestly answered. I had noticed Eldin never involved Lance in any of our conversations about me possibly being the mythical child, but I have to admit I never thought too much about it.

Although, it was weird he wasn’t included because I’ve had this feeling that out of our group, he would make the most sense to a be a part of this conversation.

However, I never really thought this mythical child thing was anything too important so I never made a point to make sure Lance knew what was going on. I just didn’t want to make it seem like a big deal.

“No, it totally is something. It’s a big something,” Eldin replied. “Nik’s the mythical child.”

“What?” Lance shout-asked.

“No I’m not,” I said at the same time, whipping my head around so I was looking at Eldin.

“He won’t believe it.” Eldin jabbed at me.

“Because it’s not true! Why are you so concerned about this?”

“I’m concerned because you could bridge the gap, Nik.”

“Bridge what gap?”

“Enough you too,” Winola commanded. “Especially in the middle of the cafeteria.”

“Wait, so, what?”

“There are some, uh, coincidences which has Eldin wondering if maybe there’s a chance that Nik could be the mythical child. There isn’t any hard proof though.”

“What coincidences?”

“Nik doesn’t know who his parents are, he’s force sensitive, he was raised by a family friend with the last name ‘Organa,’ he sort of looks like the Supreme Leader, and now the Supreme Leader called him out of training. That’s about it, just a handful of coincidences.”

“Wow, that is interesting.”

“Yeah, it’s fun to play around with the idea. It’s probably not true, though. The child probably doesn’t even exist.”

“I don’t know about that,” Lance said.

“You don’t know about what? The child probably not existing?” Winola asked.

“Yeah. I’m actually one hundred percent positive the child does exist.”

“Really? How?” I, like the others, was intrigued at Lance’s certainty. Lance shifted in his seat before answering.

“Well, for starters, it’s such a specific and weird rumor. Like, why would someone even think to begin such a rumor? Like who would’ve thought the Supreme Leader of the First Order would have got with the Resistance’s Jedi?”

“And don’t Jedi have a no relationships code or something?” Eldin added.

“Yup. And they would’ve had to be sneaky about the whole, you know, package.”

“No, stop,” I said. “All this proves is that some people have a wild imagination, it doesn’t prove that I am this mythical child, or that this child even exists.”

“Why are you so against being this child?” Eldin asked accusingly.

“I’m not against-”

“Yes, yes you are,” Eldin interrupted.

“Okay, maybe I am. But why does that matter?”

“Do I have to keep getting in between you guys?” Winola slammed her bantha milk down on the table.

“He’s not telling me something,” Eldin once again accused me.

“And that’s okay,” Winola said, clearly exasperated.

“I just don’t understand. I think it would be so cool to be this mythical child.” Eldin turned from Winola to look at me.

“Do you know what I think would be cool?” I asked, my voice rising.

“What?”

“I think,” I paused, not wanting to admit the thought out loud.”I think it would be cool to just have parents. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, and it’s a want you can’t understand.”

Feeling a few tears well up in my eyes, I stood up from the table and walked away, not waiting for, nor wanting to hear, any response.


	17. The Agitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is beginning to get real agitated with where her life has taken her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've noticed the last few chapters had been pretty dialogue heavy so I made sure this one wasn't and I am very happy with the results.

“Concentrate, Rey,” she muttered to herself as she tried to raise a decently sized boulder and move it on top of one of Ajan Kloss’ grassy cliffs. It certainly was not the hardest feat she’d ever tried to accomplish but is wasn’t a light, five pound rock either. But it shouldn’t have required this much energy and concentration to lift. It was a stupid boulder, and yet she was struggling to lift it more than a foot off of the wet grass.

“It’s not working,” she said as she took a deep, disappointed breath and let the boulder slam down. She decided to head back to the fresher to freshen up. She had a relatively long walk back to the buildings as she had wandered pretty far to practice. So she had plenty of time to ponder. Rey was grateful for this time because she hoped being immersed in nature would help her untangle the mess that was her thoughts.

She had never been too good at untangling her thoughts, Leia once speculated this was because Rey didn’t want to delve into her trauma. She never thought she suffered from any serious trauma but everyone else seemed to think she had. On the contrary, she thought she handled being abandoned at the age of five pretty well.

She supposed her friends’ more recent worries were because of the whole boyfriend-child thing. That, she could sort of understand as their outcome was certainly not a normal and joyous one.

Although, she and Ben were reeling things in, right? Right?

Rey wished there was someone she could confide in about her relationship, but no one even knew of her current relationship status, and that would have to stay the same if she wanted to keep her friends. She probably could fudge a few of the details about who she was with and seek solace from others. She could even tell them she had rekindled her relationship with her ex, as long as she didn’t say his name or job.

Although, then they’d ask questions Rey wouldn’t want to answer.

“How did I even fall into this mess?” she asked the green, wet grass and trees surrounding her walk.

“What mess?” a voice asked.

Rey jumped back, wishing she had brought her staff or saber.

“Rey?”

“Oh, it’s you,” Rey said as Finn emerged from the mass of damp trees.

“I was looking for you since you said you were only going to be gone a few standard hours.”

“I’m coming back, aren’t I?” Rey asked as she shuffled back and forth. Finn’s face twitched into a slight frown. She furrowed her brow in response, not sure what Finn’s cause of concern was.

“Rey, it’s almost night. You left before midday,” Finn said as he gestured around and above him. His eyes never strayed from hers, but she pulled away to look straight up, through the trees, at the dark orange and pink sky. How had she not noticed the sky was no longer the bright blue that she had seen while hiking up? She had also missed the air cooling. It wasn’t dramatically colder, but there was a faint chill in the air, enough so that a shiver ran through her body.

Rey had only planned to be away for around three standard hours, but it appeared as though at least five had passed since she left the base. It wasn’t too uncommon for her to lose track of time when she was training, but the sky was literally a different color and she hadn’t been doing some rigorous force training.

Perhaps her struggle and annoyance at herself had been enough to distract her from the changing sky and cooling air. And the growl in her stomach.  
Having spent the majority of her life orphaned on Jakku, Rey had grown a tolerance for the ache caused by hunger. However, hunger hadn’t been an issue for her in over a decade and she usually noticed if she had skipped a meal, especially when her day was full of rigorous training.

She should have noticed it had been hours since she left the base, but she was too distracted by _something_. And not only had this something caused her to not noticed the sky changing colors, it was probably the culprit of her tangled mind.

“Rey, are you okay?” Finn asked. Rey jerked her eyes away from the pinky-orange sky, having forgotten that he had prompted her to look up in the first place.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I guess I lost track of time.”

Finn didn’t appear to accept her answer.

“Rey.”

“What?” She was beginning to become agitated, she just wanted to go the fresher.

“This isn’t new, you’ve been distracted and even distant since you returned from--”

“No,” she interrupted Finn as she shook her back and forth, back and forth. “No, no, no it has nothing to do with-that.”

“Then tell me what it has to do with,” Finn said in what he apparently thought would be a calm and warm, and possibly concerned, tone. However, all it did was further annoy and anger Rey.

“No,” she replied after a moment before walking past Finn, not wanting to continue this conversation. She _couldn’t_ continue. Finn, like the rest of her friends would be disgusted with and turn his back to her. And she really didn’t want to lose her friends who were the closest thing she had to family. Other than Ben and Anakin, but they were what started this whole mess.

She hated this mess and she was angry. She was angry at a plethora of people and she was mad at an intense amount of objects. She was angry at Ben for being on the wrong side, she was mad at her self for being drawn to him in the first place. She was angry at the Resistance for having a very narrow-minded view regarding who were the “good guys. She was mad at the First Order for being so brutal. Kriff, she was mad at the Resistance for being so brutal. And she hated how they were they glorified themselves as the right and good side to be on. And again. she hated how close-minded they were and she hated she couldn’t say the same about the First Order.

Most of all, Rey was angry at herself for joining the Resistance. For falling in love with Ben. For hating on the Resistance. For applauding the First Order’s open mindedness. For being force sensitive, for being the hope and the light.

Why had the force chosen her? She didn’t want to handle being the Resistance’s Jedi. 

She _couldn’t_ handle it.


	18. The Nice Officer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nik goes wandering and bumps into an old friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I planned to get this chapter up last Saturday....whoops. But I've started on the next chapter already so hopefully I'll post it soon.
> 
> also, i'm planning to post on my IG more often, and among other writer-ly things, I plan to post updates on the Broken Gray Jedi on there. It's @theresahestilla in case anyone's interested.

I had originally planned to just head back to my bunk and relax until lights out after storming out of the cafeteria, but instead decided to wander around the Supremacy halls, not really wanting anyone to bother me. I figured my friends would expect me to head back to my bunk and I didn’t feel like talking to them. I wanted to think.

Eldin’s words echoed as I walked through the empty corridors. Was I supposed to be extremely hopeful and excited that I may be this mythical child? Was me being turned off by the plethora of coincidences weird? While Eldin was not the only one who liked talking about me being this child, he certainly was the most persistent. Lance was clearly convinced this child existed, but he didn’t push me to admit I was this child. And Winola enjoyed entertaining the idea, but I was pretty sure she didn’t believe the myth was anything more than a myth.

I was the only one who appeared to hate the myth’s existence. Er, maybe I didn’t _hate_ it, but I certainly hated the fact that it made perfect sense that I was this child. Because it did, it made perfect, kriffing sense. And I hated that.

I knew I was this child, the son of the Supreme Leader and the Resistance’s Jedi. I wasn’t sure how I was so confident, I just was. After all, I seemed to fit all the criteria of this child. Auntie Em always told me she was my caregiver because my parents were caught up in this war and that the war was keeping us apart. That would fit the myth.

That was what hurt the most and why I so desperately wanted the myth to just be a myth. I figured out at an early-ish age that I probably wasn’t meant to be, that I was an accident. And while that wasn’t what you would want to find out, I was convinced that they, my parents still cared for me. That’s what Auntie Em always told me, at least. I was also positive that Auntie Em loved me, and I was sure she definitely didn’t have a say in whether or not I was born. But still, part of me hoped that I was planned and that my parents hadn’t planned on being involved in this war.

This myth took that sliver of hope away from me. Why would the leader of the First Order have a child with an important member of the Resistance? Why would they even have been in love in the first place? The myth never mentioned they had fallen for each other, it only said a child was born. And that was the sword that pierced my heart. Auntie Em never said they were in love, all she said was that they wanted to be with me. I supposed I could give them the benefit of the doubt and say that to have me, they would’ve had to have be in love, but it still wouldn’t have been an ideal situation to have a child, and doing so would’ve been a stupid choice.

In addition, if the myth was true, then I would have to live the rest of my life as this mythical child, this special child. I did not want to be this child, I did not want to have that kind of weight upon my shoulders. I didn’t.

More than likely, being this mythical and legendary child would come with expectations, expectations for me to fix the war, bridge the gap, as Eldin said. I would have a destiny tied to my name, a destiny I wouldn’t be able to escape from as I would always be in the public eye. I would be the child of high ranking officials from both the First Order and the Resistance. Of course I would be the best person to end the war and create a compromise, something the galaxy desperately needed, even if the two sides were too busy fighting to acknowledge the fact. I was only 13 and yet even I realized a treaty was necessary. Which didn’t really explain why I joined the stormtrooper program, but I suppose I had just wanted to do something and joining felt like the only option.

“Hey there,” a voice said, grabbing my attention.

“Oh hi Officer Dainen,” I replied. “I was just, uh--”

“Contemplating?” Officer Dainen asked.

“Uh, yeah. Contemplating, y’know life.” I hadn’t seen him since he dropped me off with one of the stormtrooper program officers, which was a shame because I really like him. He had settled the few nerves popping inside me when it was time to leave my home planet and head to the Supremacy. I figured he probably stayed at the First Order base on my home planet instead of on the Supremacy because he appeared to be the officer shuttling people from the planet, and so I had hoped I could at least see him when I went back home. He seemed like he would be an easy person to get along with, which was why I wasn’t too worried about getting yelled at for wandering around in the ship’s main corridors alone and during dinner. It wasn’t exactly against the rules, but certain officers were not fond of this behavior.

“What’s going on in your life that requires this much contemplating?”

“Uh,” I said, drawing out the word. “Life.”

“Uh huh, I see. The entirety of your existence requires contemplation.”

“Well uh–actually, yes. It feels that way at least.”

“Do you want to talk about anything? We can talk while we walk back to the stormtrooper program bay. It should give us, I don’t know, 40 standard minutes,” Officer Dainen offered.

“What? 40 minutes away? What time is it?” I asked, surprised I had been walking for 40 minutes. However, after a moment of silent calculation of how much thinking I had accomplished, I realized 40 minutes sounded pretty reasonable.

“It’s almost 19 o’clock,” he responded.

“Really? Crud, dang it, I have to get back to bunks.”

“I’ll walk you back. I can even tell the officer that I pulled you out of your normal schedule if you want me too,” Officer Dainen responded.

“Uh, thanks but I don’t think that’ll be necessary, I’m pretty sure they won’t care if I’m late. It usually begins to get sort of crazy around this time,” I said as we began to walk to the bay..

“I’d bet with a bunch of teenagers all in close proximity would equal quite a bit of chaos. Are you enjoying your time training to be a stormtrooper, Anakin?”

“Oh,” I was surprised by the fact that he remembered my name. Not that I expected him to forget my name, but it had been several months since he flew me to the Supremacy and I figured I wasn’t the only person he had flown since then. I would’ve understood if he had forgotten my name.

“Yes, I have enjoyed my time. I’ve made really some good friends wince I came here.”

Officer Dainen nodded.

“I’m curious, do you happen to know Winola Oleander?”

“Yup, she’s one of my best friends,” I replied, curious as to why he was asking me about Winola.

“Alastor, her older brother, is one of my close friends. He was in one of the first stormtrooper programs. He’s since climbed up the ranks and graduated from a stormtrooper to an officer. He’s a very fun person to hang out with and is very serious about his job. He was ecstatic when it was time for his little sister to attend the stormtrooper program.”

“I did not know that.”

“You didn’t? Huh, I’ve heard Winola is quite talkative.”

“She is, and she has mentioned that she has an older brother who’s gone through the program, but I didn’t know he was now an officer.”

“Well he is. He’s probably going to be promoted real soon too. If he does get promoted, which I’m positive he will, it will take place next week.”

“Is that the ceremony we have to go to?”

“Yes, I believe so. The Supreme Leader apparently is going to announce a new plan of action if I recall correctly.”

“Hey, I have a very random question,” I tentatively said.

“Shoot.”

“Do you like the Supreme Leader?” I asked, not entirely sure if I wanted to hear the answer. It appeared as thought Officer Dainen didn’t want to answer.

“I don’t know,” he finally said. “In case you haven’t figured it out yet, the First Order is a rumor garden. Everyone has some rumor about them floating about, some have many. The Supreme Leader falls into the latter category.

“I’m saying this as a sort of disclaimer. I agree with most of the Supreme Leader’s orders, but there are certainly rumors I don’t like. Again, I’m not saying these rumors are true, but once you hear them, it’s hard to push them aside when trying to give an honest opinion of someone.

“Let’s just say this: he’s nicer than Snoke, and I honestly do not know if that is good or not. Either way, I like you, Anakin.”

“What? I mean, thanks, but why did, why did you say that?” I asked, my heart racing. The question fell out of my mouth all jumbled and as soon as I started saying it, I began to regret it. However, my mouth wouldn’t shut to hold the words in tight.

“Like I said, there are rumors about everyone.”


End file.
